Lance and I have been “making babies” (a term we picked up from our counselor since the term “trying” implies to fail) over the past couple of months. We have yet to actually “make” a baby. Over the past couple of weeks, I began getting discouraged--wondering if this is really what God wants for us. Were we meant to have more? Was Gideon the only baby that I would have? Aren't I deserving? Is it too soon? What are the plans that he holds for us? Was a baby in our near future? And then really, how near is nine months when I want a baby now? Every failed test was just one more month plus nine more months of waiting. Waiting. Waiting. The wait was enjoyable before. But now I just want a bundle of joy to wrap my arms around, snuggle and never let go of. I would think that with all of this waiting, I would be reminded that I am not in control. I would think that I would be able to look at my close friends—some who have waited for more than a year for God to give them a baby only to find a negative test or a monthly visit from an aunt by the name of flow, and see that God is in control. But it took a study over the 3rd day of Genesis and an application summary from a friend for the comfort to come.
11 Then God said, “Let the land produce vegetation: seed-bearing plants and trees on the land that bear fruit with seed in it, according to their various kinds.” And it was so. 12 The land produced vegetation: plants bearing seed according to their kinds and trees bearing fruit with seed in it according to their kinds.
--The image was given of a single plant, a single tree, a single blade of grass that had been created by God that reproduced and multiplied. The blanket of vegetation spread from one end of the earth to the other--and all of this in one day.
Our pastor’s daughter recently came back from a mission’s trip to Peru. She had been gone for a while and during her last three months she decided that she was going to start a church plant in one of the villages. A leader and friend that was there with her asked what exactly she was trying to do. She explained it to him. He gave the response that it wasn’t going to work. She wouldn’t have enough time. She tells that she allowed him to influence her. In response to his comment, she told him that he was probably right and that she did really need to be there a year to get a church going. Yet, she still went on with her church plant. She has been back in the states for a few weeks and she reports that the church plant is still going and that they are still a gathering body of Christ—glory to God. She told of how she was allowing someone to influence her and how she put God in a box. She should have told him that God can do anything in any timing that he feels fit. It’s not our determinant of how long something will take.
How true of so many of us that we try to put God in a box. I think that term applies in many ways. First, God has walls and he can only go so far and second, I put him there for safe keeping and get him out when I need him. How inaccurate are both of those statements. God has no limit and I should always need him.
This brings me back to my control. Recently, I read an article on the Resurgence over control or the lack thereof (I think God has been trying to get this to me—thank God that Brittne spoke up and gave her testimony). The article spoke about how we try so intensely to be in control, yet we really don’t have anything under control. We didn’t control who are parents were, what our kids will look like, where we were born, when we were born, how many brothers or sisters we would have. We can plan for today, plan for tomorrow but ultimately God is in control. I can plan to be at work on time but if there is a wreck then I may be late. I have no control. I knew this yet somehow I wasn’t letting my spirit live this. I go back to my opening statement about Lance and I making babies—how foolish of me. God makes the babies. If we haven’t gotten pregnant yet, it’s because God hasn’t given us a baby yet. It’s not because we were unsuccessful but because we are incapable. I laugh at the arrogance. If we have a girl instead of a boy, it’s not because of technique but because God gave us a girl. His timing is perfect and if he wants us to wait then we can only wait. And we must be patient waiters.
“Patience is understanding the settled reality that we are not in control. We are at peace with the fact that life is run by someone else. When we are patient we are paddling downstream, letting the force of life guide us along, knowing we can steer, but not turn upstream. Impatience is turning the boat, rowing hard against the current; we still move downstream, but with incredible exhaustion.
We want more control than we have. But God wants patience to permeate our inner being. Why? Not just because life and its trials will require patience, but we need to reconcile our souls to our lack of control, trusting that God is good. If God is good and he is in control, then we can trust the satisfaction or obstruction of our will is the good design of a loving and gracious Father.
And that is worth the wait.”—Dave Dorr
And this was what I was feeling—complete exhaustion, run-down, tired and becoming bitter because I was navigating my boat but wasn’t getting anywhere. Yet, all the while he was planting his fruit of patience.
I am in control of my life—really a hilarious statement if you stop to think about it.
my favorite bundle of joy...
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