Yesterday was the birthday, the big 3-0. The number really doesn't mean much to me. I am not sure what 30 is supposed to feel like but I don't feel like I am any older than I was last year. I know that spiritually I have grown. God has matured my spirit and my flesh through his word and his promise. I have fallen more and more in love with him. I love him more than I thought I ever would or ever could.
I can say without hesitancy that I am not where I thought I would be ten or even five years ago. It’s amazing to look at the path that God has set me on and how it varies so greatly from what I thought I would be doing. Lance and I joke that I am the planner and he is the fixer. When March 8th hit us this year, we were in complete disarray. All of my plans for our family were heading out the window and Lance couldn’t fix the situation. We were helpless and completely dependent on God. Our own abilities (that are truly gifts from God and not our own) were rendered useless. We had to submit to Him, find strength in Him and rely on Him. Our faith was tested.
This weekend we celebrated my birthday in Arlington. I had a continuing education course scheduled for Monday and we planned on taking advantage of the warm weather and outlet malls Texas had to offer. We stayed at the Sheraton which is one of the most family friendly hotels that we have ever stayed at. They have an enormous pool that is made just for young kids. With its two foot depth and its wide span and length, it is perfect for kids to get in jump, splash and paddle around without being on top of anyone else. They also play movies at night outside, where kids are allowed to swim and watch as it plays on the wall. Our first night, we were entertained by Nemo and the blaring voice of Dori heard over the outdoor surround system. Our time out by the pool reminded me that I had wanted to enroll Gideon in summer baby swim classes. I was overcome with feelings of loss because this would never be our family vacation spot with Gideon like I had planned. There would be no six flags or Rangers games with this toddling blue eyed boy in tow. I was also reminded that he had been to six flags and a Rangers game before—only he was still in my belly and I didn’t know that he was even here yet. I rejoiced in that memory that God had placed in my heart.
Sunday morning we went to church with my friend Lisa and her husband John. I had met Lisa at Children’s Medical Center nearly 10 years ago. I had just started working on the children’s unit after moving back from New Jersey and beginning my nursing career. At that time, I was still set on becoming a Neonatal Nurse Practitioner but was just starting out in nursing school. The unit was a long-term rehab facility for children with chronic health issues. It wasn’t until much later in life that I realized how much of an impact the unit had on me and how God used that career change to help guide me and set me in my path. I still do not know all of what God will bring from that one job but I do know that Lisa is one of those gifts He gave to me. Lance and I try to attend church when we are away on vacation and we were thankful to have friends to be able to fellowship with.
In the past when visiting new churches, we noticed that we never get to hear the church’s pastor preach. This Sunday was no different. The sermon came from the pastor of Life Church. So there we were, 250 miles away from home in Frisco, Texas, listening to a preacher from a church that is less than 10 miles from our home in Broken Arrow. The message was out of Habakkuk. I was excited!
Shortly after Gideon passed, God used Habakkuk to speak directly to me. He spoke from chapter 1:
1 The prophecy that Habakkuk the prophet received.
Habakkuk’s Complaint
2 How long, LORD, must I call for help,
but you do not listen?
Or cry out to you, “Violence!”
but you do not save?
3 Why do you make me look at injustice?
Why do you tolerate wrongdoing?
Destruction and violence are before me;
there is strife, and conflict abounds.
4 Therefore the law is paralyzed,
and justice never prevails.
The wicked hem in the righteous,
so that justice is perverted.
The LORD’s Answer
5 “Look at the nations and watch—
and be utterly amazed.
For I am going to do something in your days
that you would not believe,
even if you were told.
The scripture spoke volumes to me. I was crying out—crying out for healing, for saving, for answers and I felt like God wasn’t hearing me. I saw the perversion of the world around me and I didn’t understand. We wanted our son, provided for our son, loved our son and yet we lost our son. And there are those who have no intention of ever being a good parent and they have litters. This was my thinking. I wasn’t mad but I didn’t understand. I wanted God to lay it out for me. Why my son? Why Gideon? Then plain as day, as if he were sitting across from me, I was lead to this passage. Those words spoke clearly to me, “you would not believe even if you were told.” I remember thinking, “You are right. Even if you did tell me, it wouldn’t be good enough. I would never be able to wrap my finite mind around your infinite ways.” At that moment, I stopped asking why.
Now God was speaking to me from chapter 2:
1 I will stand at my watch
and station myself on the ramparts;
I will look to see what he will say to me,
and what answer I am to give to this complaint.[a]
The LORD’s Answer
2 Then the LORD replied:
“Write down the revelation
and make it plain on tablets
so that a herald[b] may run with it.
3 For the revelation awaits an appointed time;
it speaks of the end
and will not prove false.
Though it linger, wait for it;
it[c] will certainly come
and will not delay.
4 “See, the enemy is puffed up;
his desires are not upright—
but the righteous person will live by his faithfulness.
The message was about being “in the dip”. Throughout life we encounter dips. Dips are the low times. These are the times when life doesn’t seem to be going well. As Christians, when we encounter dips, we often want to a.) go back to when we were at our spiritual high and just forget the dip or b.) turn from God because if God is letting this happen or if God is putting us through the trial then God must not be good and therefore we don’t want anything to do with him. But there is a third choice; we can continue to keep our faith. And this was what Habakkuk was doing. He was continuing to trust in the Lord. Habakkuk had just received news from God that He was going to send the Babylonians to destroy his people. Habakkuk agreed that his people were wicked but the Babylonians were far more wicked than they and were far more deserving to be destroyed. But Habakkuk chose to demonstrate his faithfulness to God. He listened for what God would tell him, he wrote it down and then he waited. The pastor made note that this is what we are to do when we are going through that dip. First, we stop and listen. We listen for what it is God wants us to do. Then we write it down. Often, Satan will try to deceive us and convince us that the plans we were told were not from God and that it was our own thinking but if we write it down then we have physical reassurance of the plan. Then we wait. Verse 3 states that it will come at an appointed time. We are to remember that it is not our time but God’s time and that even though it may linger or take longer than we would hope for, God assures us that it will come and will not delay. I may not see it in this lifetime, God, but you told me that it will come and I will have faith that your words will prove true. The dips grow our faith. It is the dip that draws us closer to God and spiritually matures us. The diagram used that I can't re-post on here is that of a hill followed by a dip which leads to a higher hill.
“For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. They are plans for good and not disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” Jeremiah 29:11
No comments:
Post a Comment