The battle has already been won...

Last night we broke our fast.  Facebook returned and we posted and gawked at the strolling screen til our eyes burned... then we returned to the land of the living.  We weren't quite prepared to what that first night post fast was to bring.  As I reviewed my paperwork for the hospital, (oh yeah, I took the ER job--was there ever any doubt?!?) I became quite upset and anxious.  The wording was so that it appeared that i would not qualify after all for the position.  What were we to do?  it was too late for me to text or call anyone and ask about the dilemma.  I had to wait.  But I'm not a good, quiet waiter.  I'm a spill my guts, state all my fears and maybe even cry it out kind of waiter.  And so I did.  And so my husband got to hear it all.  As he tried to study, I repeatedly interrupted him...."and see this...and this...it says this...how can I....this is not me..."  Ugh, exhausting.  I read my verse, which was new for the day and I got nothing.  After a night of tossing and turning, waking up to the fear of having to find another job after I thought this was all taken care of, I woke up for good just plain worn out and doubting.  I looked at my verse of the day again but it wasn't speaking to me.  So I again began to rant and worry to Lance.  He too told me about his terrible night of studying his chemistry.  A feeling of despair flooding him as well.  Where had this all come from?  Why were we feeling this way.  I could see that he was just tired and i assured him he would be fine as he assured me I would as well.  But we still couldn't see it in ourselves.  I went to work and prayed for him as he prayed for me.  I pulled my phone out again and looked at the verse one more time.

   The Lord did not set his affection on you and choose you because you were more numerous than other peoples, for you were the fewest of all peoples.  But it was because the Lord loved you and kept the oath he swore to your ancestors that he brought you out with a mighty hand and redeemed you from the land of slavery, from the power of Pharaoh king of Egypt. --Deuteronomy 7:7-8

 Know therefore that the Lord your God is God; he is the faithful God, keeping his covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love him and keep his commandments. --Deuteronomy 7:9

Deuteronomy 7:9 was the verse of the day and as I sat in my chair and prayed to God for peace and opened my phone again to His verse, a wave of calm came over me.  It would all be okay....

....He is God.  He is faithful.  He will keep his covenant. 

If the plan is to fail then it is because He wants it to fail.  He will have something else in store for me.  

About the time that I was going to send Lance my verse, he sent me a text telling me that he went ahead and deleted FB again.  This after we had already asked for prayer for one another.  I sent him my verse and peace just continued to come.   It would all be okay because I had a God who loved me.  

As I look at the verses before, i am encouraged.  I have since talked with my manager and co-worker and even though the wording is different, i will be able to practice.  All will be fine.  The job is still mine--like He promised.    But this job will be challenging.  I am moving from a primary care environment to a faster pace with more procedures and a broader base of knowledge.  But God will keep His oath.  

Lance too felt encouraged as he went into class.  he realized his brain was just tired but he truly did understand the material and he had gotten all of his questions correct.  But we were vulnerable.  Lance was tired.  I was overwhelmed.  We both had broke our fast.  It was a good time for an attack and sad to say, we didn't respond as we should.  Prayer and an open ear to hear.  But instead we panicked for ourselves and prayed for each other.  As we started to pray for a calming spirit within us and pray for direction, God responded in a way that our spirit could hear.  We were open to hearing the way in which He responded.  

My interview went fabulously last Monday for the private practice office.  The money was great and 3 days one week with two days the next was pretty much what I had been asking God for and they were ready for me to start as soon as possible but it wasn't right.  It's amazing how he gave me what I wanted but i didn't want it.  he had offered me something better and I knew it.  i had tried to put him in this box, asking him for what only my finite mind could comprehend but he is awe inspiring and makes beautiful things from ashes....