September 12, 2013
Verse of the day:
Hebrews 10:35-36
Therefore do not throw away your confidence, which has a great reward. For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God you may receive what is promised.
After a rough interview, a lot of uncertainty and a restless night, I found myself praying for answers. I needed God to give me some reassurance, some direction but most of all some peace. I had left a job interview and felt like I was immensely under qualified because after four years of being a PNP, I was going to be required to do things that I had only read about. Although these things were not a deal breaker and it was discussed that I could be taught, I questioned my talents and abilities. I questioned whether I was even to remain a PNP. I had been spoiled in my current position, being able to turn away the too complex or those that by law I could not write the needed medications for. I have not been required to suture, staple, cast and in this new role, I would be. I also thought my daily workload was going to double. So when I woke, I prayed for God to help me. I prayed for him to guide me. I didn’t know where to turn to in my Bible and I didn’t want to make up something in my head. I really needed his guidance and that was all that would calm me. I have been doing my daily verse since Sunday night so I prayed that my answer, my fulfillment would be found there. I prayed that whatever I was needing, I would find in that verse. I prayed it would not be something vague or too abstract, like a “you are holy” or “He is holy.” I needed something straight and to the point that didn’t take much thought. My brain was spent. Then there it was, “do not throw away your confidence.” Those words were all that I needed at 640 this morning as I was struggling with my career choice and what I have spent the last 5 years doing. I am a great PNP. I love my job. My patients love me. I give excellent care and more so, I know my boundaries–which I thinks makes me an even better provider. I do not know these things he was wanting me to do because they had not been required or needed of me, not because I was incapable of learning them. Much like working on a long term care rehab unit, my IV skills were not greatly utilized so transitioning to the NICU and to a med/surg floor took some time to get back into the swing of things I was taught during school. This was what I needed to get me through the day.
I couldn’t really explain it but I still didn’t feel a green light from God on this job. The doctor had even told me that he was a Christian and that this clinic was his ministry but something just wasn’t setting right. Throughout today I have wrestled in whether I will be able to find where I am supposed to be or will I have to just get in where I can. So tonight as I was diving into my blog session and reading Hebrews–the before and after the verse of the day, I was shown what these verses are really talking about.
“Therefore do not throw away your confidence...” Do not throw away your confidence, your boldness in God. He is still the same today as He was yesterday and as He will be tomorrow. Though your circumstances may change, though you may see blessing and favor to those around you, God is still the same. Your reward has not changed.
“For you have need of endurance..” ...some versions say perseverance and some say patience but they all relate. To endure or persevere, I must be patient. I must do His will, continue to be faithful in this walk and He will give me what He promised. He has promised an opportunity and I will remain bold in Him and wait patiently on him. I will endure this race.
I thank you God that you are a God who answers prayers. This morning when I needed you so desperately, you came to my rescue. I thank you for the job that you blessed me with over these past 4 years. I thank you for the job you are sending my way even when I cannot see it. Jesus, your timing is perfect and I know you are sovereign. I continue to pray that your will be mine and for my acts to align. I pray that when I am to move, when I am to accept a job, you will tell me “yes.” Lord, although you can make all things good and you can bring about things out of poor choices, I do not want to be where you do not want me. i thank you for this insight in remaining bold in you, in who you are and I thank you for the reminder to be patient. I love you, Lord. There is none above you. My soul cries out to you. Only you can satisfy.
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| I made this lab coat in pomegranate in honor of graduating!! |
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