let him not be ashamed...

“Yet if anyone suffers as a Christian, let him not be ashamed, but let him glorify God in that name.”  1 Peter 4:16

As I was scrolling through my TimeHop this morning I came across this little post...

I remember this day like it was yesterday.  Lance and I worked Monday through Friday and we missed out on some of the best moments Gideon had to offer.  Like almost every other baby, he was happiest in the morning.  He was colicky in the late afternoon/evening. I looked forward to Saturdays and Sundays with every inch within me.  Life slowed down on these days.  There was no where to be--with the exception of church.  We were able to fully enjoy one another.  I looked forward to waking up and seeing Gideon’s smiling face staring back at me.  He would eat and then we would move into the living room for mat and play time.  Lance would make coffee and toast either with the chocolate almond butter or with nutella.  So yum with the coffee.  I can still smell it.  Coffee, chocolate and baby smell!  We would just hang out all day.  When he was done with playing on the mat then we would move to laying him out-stretched on my legs and I talked to him and sang to him and often he would fall asleep here and then I would move him to his bouncer or to the corner of the couch on his blue printed boppy and cover him with a fuzzy blanket.  I remember telling Lance, this makes early morning rising all worth it.  We had a family groove and when we got that call a mere 3 days later, our lives would again never be the same.  

During our three days in the hospital and the months after, we often encountered the statement, “I don’t know how you are doing it.”  I never knew how to respond appropriately.  “By the grace of God” was the only thing I could ever get out.  it felt so cheesy to say though.  Just God.  God.  Only God.  God is sustaining us (insert nerdy laugh with Bible in hand looking to the sky).  Yep, that’s how I felt.  I wasn’t better than anyone.  I didn’t feel further in my walk.  I wasn’t holier.  I didn’t have an “in” with God.  But I felt weird saying that it was God getting me through.  i knew it was true but I felt like I was coming across as though I had just tapped into something others couldn’t have.  Like God and I were BFF’s and He just gave me the “best” half of our best friend necklace combo.  But why?  Why would I feel that way?  Our son was in critical condition.  Our son had died.  The one being that could have saved him allowed him to die for some reason that was greater than you and I.  And here I was, resting in Him and still feeling foolish for saying those words out loud.  And maybe there it was.  It was difficult to explain.  I had just experienced the most devastating tragedy in all of my days and the one who I place all of my hope in let me experience that loss but yet I still placed my hope in Him.  Those two sentiments...would you think I was crazy and would you think I was “more spiritual” than you if I spoke those words.  

As I sit and reflect over my memory from 4 years ago and this Bible verse for today, I am reminded that it is all for the Glory of God.  4 years ago, singing to our chunky newborn while eating our toast and drinking coffee was all for the glory of God.  Spending three days in the hospital in prayer, only to leave with an empty carseat was all for the glory of God.  I don’t always get it but I hope to never be ashamed of it.  I don’t understand and I never will this side of Heaven but I will glorify His name.  God is the reason I made it through.  God is the reason I make it through today.  by the grace of God, He freely gives.  By His promise I will see Gideon again.  By his goodness, I have a husband who adores me.  By his grace, I have Gabe.   

“Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice insofar as you share Christ's sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when his glory is revealed.  If you are insulted for the name of Christ, you are blessed, because the Spirit of glory[b] and of God rests upon you. But let none of you suffer as a murderer or a thief or an evildoer or as a meddler. Yet if anyone suffers as a Christian, let him not be ashamed, but let him glorify God in that name.” --1 Peter 4:12-16

I have shared in suffering and I know there will be more of various types to endure but I will rejoice and be glad in God’s glory.

Gabe is definitely lance's mini-me, but this blue eyed cutie is mine!  

Always planning.  Oh, the places we would go.

His blood has already overcame...

“They triumphed over him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony; they did not love their lives so much as to shrink from death.”  Revelation 12:11

I have spent the last three days at work.  I work a 12 hour shift that starts at noon.  It should end at midnight but sometimes, like last night, it doesn’t end until 1:30ish in the AM.  It makes for an exhausting day because not only did I stay almost 14 hours but something had to happen in that first 12 that made it impossible to complete all of my charting by the time midnight rolled around.  I had one of those days where you just couldn’t complete a thought.  I would set out to discharge “A” then “B” comes rolling through the door and then “C” is calling on the phone and so on.  And even though I had left 30 minutes before on what should only take a 10 minute trip, I was unable to get coffee since apparently 1130 on Saturday is when everyone wants their Flat White from Starbucks and there were lines out the door for the inside and around the building for the drive thru.  I felt tugged in every direction.  I felt unproductive, overwhelmed and poorly utilized.  I felt drained.  So this morning I was cranky.  I spent the entire ride to church griping about my yesterday.  I actually spent my entire morning that Lance and I were in ear shot of another griping about my yesterday.  (To which my husband replies, "you can always go back to seeing 4's and 5's, day in and out, one after another.  He's always good at pointing out my alternatives!")  We got to church late because I was too busy running my mouth to put forth the attention to being on time.  Then I get to church in time to hear the band play their last song before the sermon and this video plays....

21

...and tears just stream down my face.  Big tears.  Alligator tears.  My griping had been so futile.  My bad day was nothing in comparison to those surrendering their lives to hold true to their Jesus.  Then we sang.  

“We will overcome by the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony” and it sank in even more.  My bad day was nothing.  Alligator tears.  I didn’t just cry.  I wept.  i went to my knees and prayed.  I prayed for those families.  I prayed for those facing death because they will not renounce their faith.  I prayed for those Christians.  It was dirty y’all.  Snotty, big tear weeping in my church aisle.  

As God laid these 21 martyrs on my heart, I recalled other stories of martyrdom, some recent and some old.  I thought about those people who gave up their lives because of their faith in Jesus.  I’m here.  It doesn’t always sink in as deep as it should but today it hit me hard.  We are here and we get the occasional joke thrown at us about how believing is ridiculous or people gripe because “us Christians” are too intolerant and restrictive and we don’t know how to have fun.  And sometimes I gripe about the mockery that ensues but my God has big shoulders and I can find refuge in Him.  But this, this is hard to find refuge in.  Then the verse comes across the screen.  

“They triumphed over him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony; they did not love their lives so much as to shrink from death.”  Revelation 12:11

They did not shrink from death.  These 21 were barely men.  All 21 in their early to mid 20’s.  They had fled their country in search of food and work for their families.  They loved Christ.   They died because of only the last statement.  Could you imagine?  How easy for them to just say, “you know what, this whole Jesus thing isn’t worth it.  My atheist friends try to tell me I’m foolish anyways for believing in a super-being.  My co-exist friends tell me that we all just need to get along and I shouldn’t be so exclusive in my choice of religion.  Maybe they’re right.  Maybe it’s not worth dying over.”  But they didn’t.  Although they were kneeling, they stood in front of death and gave their life in the name of Jesus.    

Though my heart was breaking, my God’s resounding words were ringing true.  All is not lost.  There is no sting in death.  Hell has no victory.  Through the blood of the Lamb we will overcome.  OVERCOME.  

I pray the church will be revived.  I pray those words you see in the video.  “May their sacrifice lead our hearts to repentance.  May the blood of the martyrs, be the seed for a revived church.”    

Simplify…for your burden is heavy...

“There is nothing better for a person than that he should eat and drink and find enjoyment in his toil. This also, I saw, is from the hand of God...”   Ecclesiastes 2:24

Today is day one of 4 days off in a row, one of the many reasons I have come to love my job.  As I started to sit down and write this, I heard Gabe start coughing and making some noises.  I went in to check on him and he was full of snot and wanted to be rocked.  So we blew his nose and we rocked.  I love holding him anytime but I love holding him in the middle of the night.  He just lets me hold him.  No playing with a plane or my necklace or asking me questions.  He’s still.  He’s quiet.  I can soak all of his 2 year old self up.  I watch him as I hold him.  His small hand holding mine.  His blonde eyelashes against his cheeks.  His little body curled up in my lap, warm and cozied up, cradled and loved.  It’s moments like these that can’t be captured with a camera that I never want to forget.  

Our series at church continues with “Simplify”.  Today, our sermon was related to our work.   Are we finding fulfillment in our work?  Is our work beneficial?  This journey since losing Gideon has been paved with lots of speed bumps, peaks, valleys, cliffs... but God has continued to be faithful through it all.  Lance and I have struggled to find our fit and to maintain a balance within and outside of the home that would work for our family.  Lance recently went through a lengthy and very detailed hiring process to go back into law enforcement.  It amazed me as we sat down and talked why he ultimately left and chose professions to begin with.  We had talked about it and for many reasons we felt like he needed a change but ultimately he was sacrificing for me.  After losing Gideon, I never wanted to work again or at least not full time and barely part time.  I didn’t have any idea how I would ever find a job that would fit more of a stay at home mom schedule.  So Lance ultimately quit so that he could pursue a job where he could make more money so I would not have to work.  The only problem with that...Lance is made to be a police officer.  It is in his blood.  He loves it.  Proverbs 22:6 says, “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.” If you have ever heard Pastor Himaya talk about this then you know that this can be translated to “the way he is bent” relating to an archery term and meaning, for example, if your child is artistic, don’t push them to be a scientist when they grow up and et cetera.  And this is what I feel Lance was trying to do to himself and I didn’t even see it happening.  He does love science and learning more about the function of the human body but his passion is in police work.  And although he tried to focus on a bigger paycheck and medicine, he was still yearning for what he had left behind.  So in 22 days he will begin a career with a new department.  But I tell you, this past year and a half has not been for nothing.  I have a new job that allows me to be home more often but still allows me to practice medicine and care for sick babies and had he not left Muskogee, I probably would not have either.  He gained the college hours that he needed to qualify for his current department and now he will be closer to home.  I can’t argue with any of those perks and I know the boulders in the road have been worth it!   

We talked about our skills, passion and opportunities and how when those come together we find our sweet spot.  One day, I dream I will be able to go on that mission trip to Egypt and I know I will then be able to use all of those medical skills and passions I have inside of me but until then I get to use them here at work.  But there is more to that sweet spot and “work” than just your work.  If you have ever come to a party of Gabe’s or came over for an after church gathering, you may have noticed that I love to be in the kitchen.  I love to cook, to bake and to party plan.  I enjoy seeing everyone with full bellies, going for more, laughing and talking.  I love seeing the kids playing and having fun while their parents get to engage in adult conversations.  I love being a host.  I’m not social by any means.  My introvert personality doesn’t allow much room for that but I love large gatherings where I can just watch and see everyone having a good time.  One of the reasons I am so excited about having a house again is so we can entertain again.  I love having Sunday after church gatherings, community group and game nights and it’s just not that doable in this tiny apartment with a two top table.  

We also hit on what keeps a person in their current work environment.   My gut instinct would be money but I know that isn’t true for myself.  I definitely made more per my tax returns in my previous job but I also worked more and sacrificed more time away from home.  I got into this job because it worked with a schedule that I wanted for our family and I felt good about the people I interviewed with.  It has proven to be an amazing opportunity and just a few months ago, I told one of my friends that I was no longer looking at the job opportunities that are delivered daily to my email because I was so happy where I was.  So back to what keeps us there...why do I never want to leave??  The number one reason people stay where they are is their co-workers.  I can definitely say this is my number one.  I love who I work with.  We have this little PEC family and I feel like we are supportive and caring of one another and we actually like each other!  #2 is freedom.  I definitely have freedom within work itself but more importantly  within my schedule which is important to me.  #3 work culture.  Have you ever worked at a place where the tension was so thick you could cut it with a knife?  You didn’t know if your boss or even co-worker was going to be in his manic phase or depressive phase and if it was manic, was it going to be over the top good or bad?  yeah, those are no fun.  Laid back, let’s get the job done and do it right but have a good time doing it, that’s our work culture and it makes it enjoyable to come in and do my job.   The number 4 reason people stay where they are is variety.  Again, I’ve been in the paper pushing same thing day in and day out and it does get old.  We need challenges, change, an occasional zebra without the burnout of over stimulation but also without the boredom drain of the mundane.  So, you can see money isn’t there in those top 4 reasons of why people stay in their current work environment.  Money may get you there but you can make money anywhere.  I had 3 other opportunities when i accepted this job that paid relatively the same amount, if not more than this job but I don’t regret my decision at all or think “what if” because I truly enjoy my job because of those things listed 1-4.  

Finally I will finish with this....  God wants us to be fulfilled through our work.  he designed us to work.  That work may entail many different roles and responsibilities but we are made to work and like Ecclesiastes says, “There is nothing better for a person than that he should eat and drink and find enjoyment in his toil...”   God gave us skills and passion to use for God’s glory so whether you are a stay at home mom, a part-time receptionist or full time nurse He wants to work through you.  We are called to be missionaries before all things...before being a spouse, a mother, an employee.  We are to be the witness of Jesus.   What is your work and who are you witnessing to? 

Simplify….fasting for the Lord and my soul...

The toil of a fool wearies him, for he does not know the way to the city.-- Ecclesiastes 10:15

We have began our church wide fast.  Today was day one.  Originally I thought we were all only going to be the Daniel Fast but yesterday in service, our lead pastor told us that we may need a fast from social media or games or some other vice.  I knew this was me.  Facebook and I spend entirely too much time together.  I have excuses: it’s my connection to my friends and family, it’s how I stay updated, it’s how I update my family and friends, it’s mind numbing, brainless activity that takes no effort, helps me unwind at 2 in the morning when I get home and takes up too much time of my family’s time with me.  Oh wait, that last part is not really an excuse but a dirty effect my phone has taken on my life.    

When I originally heard the above scripture in church on Sunday during our simplicity series, I initially thought about work, my career, my husbands career.  The pastor said, “the fool is so tired by work, he cannot even find his way home.”  While initially I tried to relate this to my job and Lance in his new and upcoming job as i know he is going to work a lot, when I sat down to do my first study during this fast, I realized my foolish work is my social media.   My phone is wearisome and I can’t even find my way back into the home.  I spend time with Lance and Gabe and with God and I do fun things but not like I should and not like I would before my “smart phone”.  So I’m giving it up.  I’m giving back to my family.  I’m surrendering to God, to my husband.  I’m surrendering to being a sister in Christ, a wife and a mother.  I’m simplifying and for me that looks like taking out the social media.  

You can have a conversation while learning to crochet with your husband without a phone in your hand!

Of course, it's Monday so we had a pool day!  He jumped! and he's swimming much further on his own!

The rhetoric...

Recently, my husband overheard a conversation about “tramp stamps”.  He was engaged in a conversation of his own but he wanted to comment so badly.  He chose to keep his opinions to himself...well, at least until the ride home.  It’s not the first time he has held his words back when overhearing the tramp stamp talk.  Recently, he also made it known how bothered he becomes when people make blonde jokes.  He’s protective and I love him for it but truthfully it bothers him more than I.  I just smile and tell him it’s okay.  When it comes up in conversations of my own, I only sit and listen.  You see, I have one of those “tramp stamps” also known as a tattoo on the small of my back.  I’ve had it since I was 19...right along with my belly ring (which I still love both and regret nothing about them!) and I’ve been some shade of blonde all of my life.  But those things don’t define me.  Well, some people do choose to define me by those descriptors but that girl in the blonde joke isn’t me.  That tramp you refer to isn’t me either.  I’m a mother of two boys.  I’m a wife to the same man I’ve been in a relationship with for the past 8 years without any hint of infidelity.  I have an associate’s degree, a bachelor’s degree and a master’s degree.  I graduated in the top of my class.  I have a successful career.  That tramp and dumb blonde aren’t who I am.  Sure, I am socially awkward at best as my brain is searching around for the next topic of conversation but that is the introvert in me and I sometimes blurp out that my son is 20 months because somehow my mind got off track to Gideon and his age and then the age difference between him and Gabe and him to another child... 

These things, although they are more accurate than the aforementioned, are not truly who I am either.  As I have said before, I am a child of God.  This is who I am.  I could lose my husband, my job, my children but they are not my identity.  Christ is my identity.     

Maybe this is why it bothers Lance more than it does me.  It’s easy for us to get caught up in our accomplishments and want to defend them but we have to remember that it is all temporary.  It’s easier for me to hold onto that for myself than it is for him to hold onto that for me.  The role is often reversed when I hear police bashing and I automatically go into protect mode...even though he may not be active any longer, he will always be a police officer.  When he was active, he was often brushing it off and calming me down.  He was the one telling me to hold my facebook posts.  So I get it.  But again, that’s not who he truly is.  

When I get to Heaven, God isn’t going to care about the sunset on my back or that I went to graduate school.  He’s going to want to know if I knew Him.  Did I know Jesus?  Did I love Jesus?  Did I show the love of Jesus when I was here on earth?  Those qualities are what truly matter.  

So I say all of that to say this, it doesn’t matter what label society has placed on you.  It doesn’t matter what you have or what you don’t have when it comes to material things and social standards.  The only thing that matters is Jesus.  Find your identity in Christ.  

He only is my rock and my salvation, my fortress; I shall not be shaken. On God rests my salvation and my glory; my mighty rock, my refuge is God.  --Psalm 62:6-7 

I hope that as we raise our children, we will ground them so heavily in this truth that their spirit may not be broken by mere words of another.  

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.--Proverbs 31:30

For you know that we dealt with each of you as a father deals with his own children, encouraging, comforting and urging you to live lives worthy of God, who calls you into his kingdom and glory.  --1 Thessalonians 2:11-12  

Blonde curls.  Blue eyes.

My tattoo!  On the beach of Gulf Shores.

My loves and the vast beauty of God's creation behind them.  Family vaca to Gulf Shores.

the wait in us...

My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?
    Why are you so far from saving me, from the words of my groaning?

O my God, I cry by day, but you do not answer,
    and by night, but I find no rest.  --Psalm 22:1-2

We have been studying the story of Joseph over the last few weeks in our series entitled “Overcome.”  Today, Pastor Alex gave me a terrific quote/piece of advice/self examination tool.  Call it what you will...

Why is it so hard to remain patient?  Because too often we feel forgotten. 

I wrote the words down quickly.  In too many places in my life, I could easily apply this.  From something simple--waiting in line at Quik-trip, knowing it was my turn but I was “overlooked” as they waited on the people around me.  Or the time when we were in Aruba and all I needed was a pen so I could write down info for our roof replacement.  I went to the “guest services” desk and was referred to the front desk.  I waited in line at the front desk for 15 minutes, then a guy came up from the side, questioned the bell-hop for some change who then interrupted the only guy working at the front desk which then placed an even longer wait.  Instances like these, I get so worked up.  Did you not see me standing here?  Clearly, I was next.  IT’S MY TURN!!  I completely lose my patience.  Sometimes I say something very passive aggressively.  Sometimes my poor husband has to hear all about it because even though it bothered me to no end, I still said nothing and continued to be “overlooked” or “forgotten.”  And then there are those serious times when I am questioning God... Why are we going through this colic phase again?  We did this.  Remember, we did this once before.  We made it through the colic only to meet the worst end.  Couldn’t you please heal the colic this time around?  Did you forget?  One in five babies have colic.  We were 2 for 2.  Hello, up there.  Or the...seriously, it’s my turn to be pregnant.  You keep showing me all of these moms with bellies, new babies and still nothing for me.  Remember, we lost ours?  We are needing a little something here.  Have you forgotten me?  ...and those weren’t even serious waiting times.  Gabe had colic for the typical 3 months.  Between losing Gideon and becoming pregnant with Gabe, we waited a total of approximately 6 months.  That’s it.  I have friends who waited years to become pregnant and some who are still waiting.  I have friends who lost children to genetic disorders only to lose another.  

But still, in my circumstance, in my self centeredness, I question, “have you forgotten?”  

The Bible says that He knows us.  

“You have searched me, Lord,
    and you know me.

You know when I sit and when I rise;
    you perceive my thoughts from afar.

You discern my going out and my lying down;
    you are familiar with all my ways.

Before a word is on my tongue
    you, Lord, know it completely.

You hem me in behind and before,
    and you lay your hand upon me.

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
    too lofty for me to attain.

Where can I go from your Spirit?
    Where can I flee from your presence?

If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
    if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.

If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
    if I settle on the far side of the sea,

even there your hand will guide me,
    your right hand will hold me fast.

If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
    and the light become night around me,”

even the darkness will not be dark to you;
    the night will shine like the day,
    for darkness is as light to you.

For you created my inmost being;
    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.” 

--Psalm 139:1-13

But in my self pity, in my self loathing, I quickly forget.  I forget that He has promised me good.  I forget that the work that He is doing in me now is preparing me for something in the future.  I forget.  Patience stinks.  Patience especially stinks when there is hurt involved.  And it stinks even more when there is hurt involved and we think our Healer has forgotten us.  

But we can look to the Psalms and remember that He KNOWS us.  He knows our wants, our desires, our needs but more so, He knows what is best.  Joseph is a true depiction of someone who consistently seemingly is being “forgotten.”  Constantly, he is forgotten by those he lives with, works for, gives hope to.  And if not knowing the whole story, we could easily look and think that God has too forgotten Joseph.  But Joseph keeps on.  Through his waiting, he is patient.  He continues with his work for God.  Like Pastor Alex said, though his circumstances continued to change from good to bad and full circle again and again, Joseph knew who he was in God and he held on to that throughout all of his days.  

So as we continue on this journey we call “life,” like Joseph, I will try to remember who I am in Christ because although my circumstances may change, my God is my foundation and my salvation and through Him I can have JOY.  Glory to Christ that through His death, I will never be forsaken.  

If you are looking for a home church, I would love to invite you to our church, theChurch.at/midtown check it out.  We would love to save you a seat and grab some lunch!  We go to the 11:30 service so we have plenty of time for lazy, family , pancake making Sunday mornings:-) 

Daddy catching Gabe as he jumps off the rock wall at church.  He's always so excited to go and see his friends.  

Though you ruin me...

Then Job arose and tore his robe and shaved his head and fell on the ground and worshiped. And he said, “Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked shall I return. The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.”

 In all this Job did not sin or charge God with wrong. -- Job 1:20-22

This is my hardest week of all of the year.  When March rolls around, memories flood through my heart, they fill my mind.  This is the week I grieve the most.  3 years.  It seems almost impossible that an entire three years have almost passed since I have last seen my first son alive and well.  It has not became easier.  Time has not healed all wounds.  I can still replay the day my phone rang while sitting in my office.  I can still visualize every inch of the lifeless body I laid my eyes on when opening the back of that ambulance truck.  I can still feel every ounce of hurt, of ache, of loss.  Yet still, I can be encouraged.

Near the end of February, I heard a sermon that mentioned this short scripture of Job.  It was constantly in the back of my mind.  Here is Job, once at the height of his life and quickly all is lost.  It is all destroyed.  What does he do?  He strips his clothes off and shaves his head (sounds like something a drunk Noah may do) but he did it out of reverence for God.  He gave God his everything.  He came before God completely humbled.  He came to God vulnerable.  He could have blamed God for everything.  He could have been spiteful.  He could have been angered at God.  He could have turned in his faith, given up, lost hope in this being who he thought had loved him but surely couldn’t seeing as to how he had taken everything and brought much pain in his life.  But he didn’t.  He chose to give every last bit and then he did something even more amazing, He praised God.  

“...blessed be the name of the Lord.”  Job takes the time here to praise God.  He is thanking Him in this simple statement.  Job knows that everything comes from God.  Everything belongs to God.  And God alone is worthy of our praise.  God had just allowed Satan to destroy his livelihood and all of his family.  Here is Job: no work, no money, no home, no children.  He hadn’t been involved in some ponzi scheme and therefore “deserved” to lose his business, his income, based on our standards.  He simply lost everything because Satan thought had he taken it all, he would have stopped following God.  Satan thought that had Job not been blessed, he would not love the Lord.  But God knew his heart.  He knew he would not falter.  He allowed destruction, defeat and heart ache to come upon Job.  But Job, instead of cursing God, went a step further and gave God all that he had left.  He became that much more vulnerable.   

There is so much teaching in that one chapter of Job.  God knew Job’s heart.  He knew that the riches of Job were not tied to his happiness in God.  Job’s possessions were not his joy.  God knew Job had a faith and a heart for God.  I can only pray that when the events were taking place leading up to that March 8th day and then those few days in the PICU, God was able to say, “behold, all that she has in your hand” because he knew me, he knew my heart and he knew that my hope is in Him and not of the world.  

More importantly than seeing Job in this story, you see Jesus in Job.  Jesus was blameless.  Jesus was upright and without sin.  Jesus left his throne.  He lost everything.  He suffered.  Satan tried to tempt him.  He was brutally beaten and scourged.  Satan thought he could turn Jesus as well.  But Jesus held onto the only one who matters.  He kept his sight on God.  And thankfully because of that faith, we now have a promise.  I now know that I too will one day be in Heaven.  I will stand face to face with Gideon.  I will bow in the presence of Jesus.  

Be encouraged by Job as you go through loss, as old loss memorializes anniversary.  Remember to keep your eyes on Jesus.  Find Jesus.  Thank Jesus.  

Going along with this is Shane and Shane’s "Though You Slay Me" with John Piper.  Take time to listen.  I’ve shared this on my FB page before but never in a blog.  It’s a good song for the suffering.    

Though You slay me
Yet I will praise You
Though You take from me
I will bless Your name
Though You ruin me
Still I will worship.

Although this week is one of my hardest, it will not ruin me.  I will remain in chasing after God’s heart.  i will continue to praise His name.  I will remember those huge blue eyes and smile.  I will keep my joy.