let him not be ashamed...

“Yet if anyone suffers as a Christian, let him not be ashamed, but let him glorify God in that name.”  1 Peter 4:16

As I was scrolling through my TimeHop this morning I came across this little post...

I remember this day like it was yesterday.  Lance and I worked Monday through Friday and we missed out on some of the best moments Gideon had to offer.  Like almost every other baby, he was happiest in the morning.  He was colicky in the late afternoon/evening. I looked forward to Saturdays and Sundays with every inch within me.  Life slowed down on these days.  There was no where to be--with the exception of church.  We were able to fully enjoy one another.  I looked forward to waking up and seeing Gideon’s smiling face staring back at me.  He would eat and then we would move into the living room for mat and play time.  Lance would make coffee and toast either with the chocolate almond butter or with nutella.  So yum with the coffee.  I can still smell it.  Coffee, chocolate and baby smell!  We would just hang out all day.  When he was done with playing on the mat then we would move to laying him out-stretched on my legs and I talked to him and sang to him and often he would fall asleep here and then I would move him to his bouncer or to the corner of the couch on his blue printed boppy and cover him with a fuzzy blanket.  I remember telling Lance, this makes early morning rising all worth it.  We had a family groove and when we got that call a mere 3 days later, our lives would again never be the same.  

During our three days in the hospital and the months after, we often encountered the statement, “I don’t know how you are doing it.”  I never knew how to respond appropriately.  “By the grace of God” was the only thing I could ever get out.  it felt so cheesy to say though.  Just God.  God.  Only God.  God is sustaining us (insert nerdy laugh with Bible in hand looking to the sky).  Yep, that’s how I felt.  I wasn’t better than anyone.  I didn’t feel further in my walk.  I wasn’t holier.  I didn’t have an “in” with God.  But I felt weird saying that it was God getting me through.  i knew it was true but I felt like I was coming across as though I had just tapped into something others couldn’t have.  Like God and I were BFF’s and He just gave me the “best” half of our best friend necklace combo.  But why?  Why would I feel that way?  Our son was in critical condition.  Our son had died.  The one being that could have saved him allowed him to die for some reason that was greater than you and I.  And here I was, resting in Him and still feeling foolish for saying those words out loud.  And maybe there it was.  It was difficult to explain.  I had just experienced the most devastating tragedy in all of my days and the one who I place all of my hope in let me experience that loss but yet I still placed my hope in Him.  Those two sentiments...would you think I was crazy and would you think I was “more spiritual” than you if I spoke those words.  

As I sit and reflect over my memory from 4 years ago and this Bible verse for today, I am reminded that it is all for the Glory of God.  4 years ago, singing to our chunky newborn while eating our toast and drinking coffee was all for the glory of God.  Spending three days in the hospital in prayer, only to leave with an empty carseat was all for the glory of God.  I don’t always get it but I hope to never be ashamed of it.  I don’t understand and I never will this side of Heaven but I will glorify His name.  God is the reason I made it through.  God is the reason I make it through today.  by the grace of God, He freely gives.  By His promise I will see Gideon again.  By his goodness, I have a husband who adores me.  By his grace, I have Gabe.   

“Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice insofar as you share Christ's sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when his glory is revealed.  If you are insulted for the name of Christ, you are blessed, because the Spirit of glory[b] and of God rests upon you. But let none of you suffer as a murderer or a thief or an evildoer or as a meddler. Yet if anyone suffers as a Christian, let him not be ashamed, but let him glorify God in that name.” --1 Peter 4:12-16

I have shared in suffering and I know there will be more of various types to endure but I will rejoice and be glad in God’s glory.

Gabe is definitely lance's mini-me, but this blue eyed cutie is mine!  

Always planning.  Oh, the places we would go.