Tuesday, September 17, 2013

9/17/13 (day10) ...he weeps


9/17/13

Condemnation: the judicial act of declaring one guilty, and dooming him to punishment.

Verse of the Day...
Romans 8:1-2
There is therefore no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.  For the law of the Spirit has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death.

Paul has spent the first chapters of Romans laying out the framework that gets us to chapter 8.  God is holy.  We are sinful.  There is a wrath for our sin.  We have a savior.  Christ died the death that should be ours and rose again.  We are justified.  We are sanctified.   This leads us to these verses in chapter 8.  Therefore...because God did all of this...because Jesus took your place...because through faith we have been made righteous and we are being made holy...therefore, there is no condemnation for those in Christ.  We are now free from sin and death.  We can look at this is two parts.  For those who are in Christ, He has already set us free and covered our sins and two, that when judgment comes, although we will face it, Christ has covered us (those in Him) and we will not be found guilty!!  Praise the Lord that He sets us free now and in the future.  
If you are apart from Christ then your wrath is still yet to come.  You are separated from God.  Christ took the wrath upon himself for those who are in Him.  He took our punishment and through faith made us right with God.  You have to believe in Him.  You have to accept Him as your savior.  God is loving.  But God is also just.  God shows us mercy but we have to be willing to “walk through the door” as seen in Noah’s days.  Christ is the only way to rid yourself of the condemnation that is sure to come.  

Thank you, Lord for taking my burden, for carrying my load.  Thank you for dying the death that should have been mine...

We don’t write of wrath to use scare tactics to get someone to follow Him.  We write of wrath because it’s a real thing.  Hell is real.  And for the believer, our heart breaks when we see someone headed for hell and God’s wrath.  It hurts to see someone recklessly living without Christ.  I remember the time when Lance saw a muslim kneeling and prostrating on his prayer rug when we were walking through the park in Chicago.  I remember seeing the fear and concern in his eyes.  In the past, he had lumped muslims all in one category, not really feeling the hurt of what their separation from Christ means.  But when he saw that one man, isolated and he actually saw him as a person and not a group, he was able to see him as God sees him.  He teared up.  He immediately wanted to pray for him, for his salvation, for God to speak to his soul and draw him near.  His heart was broken and he felt the loss this man has but doesn’t even realize.  This is how God feels.  He cries for us.  He weeps for us.  He sees us as individuals and not as a group of women, men, Americans, red heads, bar goers, cussing sailors.  He sees us separate from everyone else and He feels our pain and our sin and separation breaks his heart.  He loves us.  He loves you.  He cries for you.  As a parent who cries for her child when she sees him on a path of destruction, so is our God.  

Enclosed, I have copied the link and the writings of a physician who speaks about the physiological and anatomical changes that Jesus underwent to pay for our sins.  Through the love of our savior, we are free.  
“Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friend.” John 15:13

Christ is our friend.  He gave His life for us.  Will you answer His call and submit your life to Him?



Pilate ordered Jesus brutally beaten, probably believing that such punishment would satisfy the ugly mob, but it demanded more and Jesus was delivered up to be crucified.


A Physician Testifies About the Crucifixion
by Dr. C. Truman Davis
About a decade ago, reading Jim Bishop's The Day Christ Died, I realized that I had for years taken the Crucifixion more or less for granted -- that I had grown callous to its horror by a too easy familiarity with the grim details and a too distant friendship with our Lord. It finally occurred to me that, though a physician, I didn't even know the actual immediate cause of death. The Gospel writers don't help us much on this point, because crucifixion and scourging were so common during their lifetime that they apparently considered a detailed description unnecessary. So we have only the concise words of the Evangelists: "Pilate, having scourged Jesus, delivered Him to them to be crucified -- and they crucified Him."
I have no competence to discuss the infinite psychic and spiritual suffering of the Incarnate God atoning for the sins of fallen man. But it seemed to me that as a physician I might pursue the physiological and anatomical aspects of our Lord's passonate some detail. What did the body of Jesus of Nazareth actually endure during those hours of torture?
This led me first to a study of the practice of crucifixion itself; that is, torture and execution by fixation to a cross. I am indebted to many who have studied this subject in the past, and especially to a contemporary colleague, Dr. Pierre Barbet, a French surgeon who has done exhaustive historical and experimental research and has written extensively on the subject.
Apparently, the first known practice of crucifixion was by the Persians. Alexander and his generals brought it back to the Mediterranean world -- to Egypt and to Carthage. The Romans apparently learned the practice from the Carthaginians and (as with almost everything the Romans did) rapidly developed a very high degree of efficiency and skill at it. A number of Roman authors (Livy, Cicer, Tacitus) comment on crucifixion, and several innovations, modifications, and variations are described in the ancient literature.
For instance, the upright portion of the cross (or stipes) could have the cross-arm (or patibulum) attached two or three feet below its top in what we commonly think of as the Latin cross. The most common form used in our Lord's day, however, was the Tau cross, shaped like our T. In this cross the patibulum was placed in a notch at the top of the stipes. There is archeological evidence that it was on this type of cross that Jesus was crucified.
Without any historical or biblical proof, Medieval and Renaissance painters have given us our picture of Christ carrying the entire cross. But the upright post, or stipes, was generally fixed permanently in the ground at the site of execution and the condemned man was forced to carry the patibulum, weighing about 110 pounds, from the prison to the place of execution.
Many of the painters and most of the sculptors of crucifixion, also show the nails through the palms. Historical Roman accounts and experimental work have established that the nails were driven between the small bones of the wrists (radial and ulna) and not through the palms. Nails driven through the palms will strip out between the fingers when made to support the weight of the human body. The misconception may have come about through a misunderstanding of Jesus' words to Thomas, "Observe my hands." Anatomists, both modern and ancient, have always considered the wrist as part of the hand.
A titulus, or small sign, stating the victim's crime was usually placed on a staff, carried at the front of the procession from the prison, and later nailed to the cross so that it extended above the head. This sign with its staff nailed to the top of the cross would have given it somewhat the characteristic form of the Latin cross.
But, of course, the physical passion of the Christ began in Gethsemane. Of the many aspects of this initial suffering, the one of greatest physiological interest is the bloody sweat. It is interesting that St. Luke, the physician, is the only one to mention this. He says, "And being in Agony, He prayed the longer. And His sweat became as drops of blood, trickling down upon the ground."
Every ruse (trick) imaginable has been used by modern scholars to explain away this description, apparently under the mistaken impression that this just doesn't happen. A great deal of effort could have been saved had the doubters consulted the medical literature. Though very rare, the phenomenon of Hematidrosis, or bloody sweat, is well documented. Under great emotional stress of the kind our Lord suffered, tiny capillaries in the sweat glands can break, thus mixing blood with sweat. This process might well have produced marked weakness and possible shock.
After the arrest in the middle of the night, Jesus was next brought before the Sanhedrin and Caiphus, the High Priest; it is here that the first physical trauma was inflicted. A soldier struck Jesus across the face for remaining silent when questioned by Caiphus. The palace guards then blind-folded Him and mockingly taunted Him to identify them as they each passed by, spat upon Him, and struck Him in the face.
In the early morning, battered and bruised, dehydrated, and exhausted from a sleepless night, Jesus is taken across the Praetorium of the Fortress Antonia, the seat of government of the Procurator of Judea, Pontius Pilate. You are, of course, familiar with Pilate's action in attempting to pass responsibility to Herod Antipas, the Tetrarch of Judea. Jesus apparently suffered no physical mistreatment at the hands of Herod and was returned to Pilate. It was in response to the cries of the mob, that Pilate ordered Bar-Abbas released and condemned Jesus to scourging and crucifixion.
There is much disagreement among authorities about the unusual scourging as a prelude to crucifixion. Most Roman writers from this period do not associate the two. Many scholars believe that Pilate originally ordered Jesus scourged as his full punishment and that the death sentence by crucifixion came only in response to the taunt by the mob that the Procurator was not properly defending Caesar against this pretender who allegedly claimed to be the King of the Jews.
Preparations for the scourging were carried out when the Prisoner was stripped of His clothing and His hands tied to a post above His head. It is doubtful the Romans would have made any attempt to follow the Jewish law in this matter, but the Jews had an ancient law prohibiting more than forty lashes.
The Roman legionnaire steps forward with the flagrum (or flagellum) in his hand. This is a short whip consisting of several heavy, leather thongs with two small balls of lead attached near the ends of each. The heavy whip is brought down with full force again and again across Jesus' shoulders, back, and legs. At first the thongs cut through the skin only. Then, as the blows continue, they cut deeper into the subcutaneous tissues, producing first an oozing of blood from the capillaries and veins of the skin, and finally spurting arterial bleeding from vessels in the underlying muscles.
The small balls of lead first produce large, deep bruises which are broken open by subsequent blows. Finally the skin of the back is hanging in long ribbons and the entire area is an unrecognizable mass of torn, bleeding tissue. When it is determined by the centurion in charge that the prisoner is near death, the beating is finally stopped.
The half-fainting Jesus is then untied and allowed to slump to the stone pavement, wet with His own blood. The Roman soldiers see a great joke in this provincial Jew claiming to be king. They throw a robe across His shoulders and place a stick in His hand for a scepter. They still need a crown to make their travesty complete. Flexible branches covered with long thorns (commonly used in bundles for firewood) are plaited into the shape of a crown and this is pressed into His scalp. Again there is copious bleeding, the scalp being one of the most vascular areas of the body.
After mocking Him and striking Him across the face, the soldiers take the stick from His hand and strike Him across the head, driving the thorns deeper into His scalp. Finally, they tire of their sadistic sport and the robe is torn from His back. Already having adhered to the clots of blood and serum in the wounds, its removal causes excruciating pain just as in the careless removal of a surgical bandage, and almost as though He were again being whipped the wounds once more begin to bleed.
In deference to Jewish custom, the Romans return His garments. The heavy patibulum of the cross is tied across His shoulders, and the procession of the condemned Christ, two thieves, and the execution detail of Roman soldiers headed by a centurion begins its slow journey along the Via Dolorosa. In spite of His efforts to walk erect, the weight of the heavy wooden beam, together with the shock produced by copious blood loss, is too much. He stumbles and falls. The rough wood of the beam gouges into the lacerated skin and muscles of the shoulders. He tries to rise, but human muscles have been pushed beyond their endurance.
The centurion, anxious to get on with the crucifixion, selects a stalwart North African onlooker, Simon of Cyrene, to carry the cross. Jesus follows, still bleeding and sweating the cold, clammy sweat of shock, until the 650 yard journey from the fortress Antonia to Golgotha is finally completed.
Jesus is offered wine mixed with myrrh, a mild analgesic mixture. He refuses to drink. Simon is ordered to place the patibulum on the ground and Jesus quickly thrown backward with His shoulders against the wood. The legionnaire feels for the depression at the front of the wrist. He drives a heavy, square, wrought-iron nail through the wrist and deep into the wood. Quickly, he moves to the other side and repeats the action being careful not to pull the arms to tightly, but to allow some flexion and movement. The patibulum is then lifted in place at the top of the stipes and the titulus reading "Jesus of Nazareth, King of the Jews" is nailed in place.
The left foot is now pressed backward against the right foot, and with both feet extended, toes down, a nail is driven through the arch of each, leaving the knees moderately flexed. The Victim is now crucified. As He slowly sags down with more weight on the nails in the wrists excruciating pain shoots along the fingers and up the arms to explode in the brain -- the nails in the writs are putting pressure on the median nerves. As He pushes Himself upward to avoid this stretching torment, He places His full weight on the nail through His feet. Again there is the searing agony of the nail tearing through the nerves between the metatarsal bones of the feet.
At this point, as the arms fatigue, great waves of cramps sweep over the muscles, knotting them in deep, relentless, throbbing pain. With these cramps comes the inability to push Himself upward. Hanging by his arms, the pectoral muscles are paralyzed and the intercostal muscles are unable to act. Air can be drawn into the lungs, but cannot be exhaled. Jesus fights to raise Himself in order to get even one short breath. Finally, carbon dioxide builds up in the lungs and in the blood stream and the cramps partially subside. Spasmodically, he is able to push Himself upward to exhale and bring in the life-giving oxygen. It was undoubtedly during these periods that He uttered the seven short sentences recorded:
The first, looking down at the Roman soldiers throwing dice for His seamless garment, "Father, forgive them for they know not what they do."
The second, to the penitent thief, "Today thou shalt be with me in Paradise."
The third, looking down at the terrified, grief-stricken adolescent John -- the beloved Apostle -- he said, "Behold thy mother." Then, looking to His mother Mary, "Woman behold thy son."
The fourth cry is from the beginning of the 22nd Psalm, "My God, my God, why has thou forsaken me?"
Hours of limitless pain, cycles of twisting, joint-rending cramps, intermittent partial asphyxiation, searing pain where tissue is torn from His lacerated back as He moves up and down against the rough timber. Then another agony begins...A terrible crushing pain deep in the chest as the pericardium slowly fills with serum and begins to compress the heart.
One remembers again the 22nd Psalm, the 14th verse: "I am poured out like water, and all my bones are out of joint; my heart is like wax; it is melted in the midst of my bowels."
It is now almost over. The loss of tissue fluids has reached a critical level; the compressed heart is struggling to pump heavy, thick, sluggish blood into the tissue; the tortured lungs are making a frantic effort to gasp in small gulps of air. The markedly dehydrated tissues send their flood of stimuli to the brain.
Jesus gasps His fifth cry, "I thirst."
One remembers another verse from the prophetic 22nd Psalm: "My strength is dried up like a potsherd; and my tongue cleaveth to my jaws; and thou has brought me into the dust of death."
A sponge soaked in posca, the cheap, sour wine which is the staple drink of the Roman legionaries, is lifted to His lips. He apparently doesn't take any of the liquid. The body of Jesus is now in extremes, and He can feel the chill of death creeping through His tissues. This realization brings out His sixth words, possibly little more than a tortured whisper, "It is finished."
His mission of atonement has completed. Finally He can allow his body to die.
With one last surge of strength, he once again presses His torn feet against the nail, straightens His legs, takes a deeper breath, and utters His seventh and last cry, "Father! Into thy hands I commit my spirit."
The rest you know. In order that the Sabbath not be profaned, the Jews asked that the condemned men be dispatched and removed from the crosses. The common method of ending a crucifixion was by crurifracture, the breaking of the bones of the legs. This prevented the victim from pushing himself upward; thus the tension could not be relieved from the muscles of the chest and rapid suffocation occurred. The legs of the two thieves were broken, but when the soldiers came to Jesus they saw that this was unnecessary.
Apparently to make doubly sure of death, the legionnaire drove his lance through the fifth interspace between the ribs, upward through the pericardium and into the heart. The 34th verse of the 19th chapter of the Gospel according to St. John reports: "And immediately there came out blood and water." That is, there was an escape of water fluid from the sac surrounding the heart, giving postmortem evidence that Our Lord died not the usual crucifixion death by suffocation, but of heart failure (a broken heart) due to shock and constriction of the heart by fluid in the pericardium.
Thus we have had our glimpse -- including the medical evidence -- of that epitome of evil which man has exhibited toward Man and toward God. It has been a terrible sight, and more than enough to leave us despondent and depressed. How grateful we can be that we have the great sequel in the infinite mercy of God toward man -- at once the miracle of the atonement (at one ment) and the expectation of the triumphant Easter morning.

Dr. C. Truman Davis is a nationally respected Opthalmologist, vice president of the American Association of Ophthalmology, and an active figure in the Christian schools movement. He is founder and president of the excellent Trinity Christian School in Mesa Arizona, and a trustee of Grove City College.
I'm so thankful to God for sending me this man.  He has truly grown in his walk with Christ (even with a tongue hanging out!)


Sunday, September 15, 2013

9/15/13 Day 8 a flooded heart...


Genesis 6:11-16
Now God saw that the earth had become corrupt and was filled with violence.  God observed all this corruption in the world, for everyone on earth was corrupt.  So God said to Noah, “I have decided to destroy all living creatures, for they have filled the earth with violence. Yes, I will wipe them all out along with the earth!
“Build a large boat from cypress wood and waterproof it with tar, inside and out. Then construct decks and stalls throughout its interior.  Make the boat 450 feet long, 75 feet wide, and 45 feet high.  Leave an 18-inch opening below the roof all the way around the boat. Put the door on the side, and build three decks inside the boat—lower, middle, and upper.
Today was our second sermon from the EPIC series and I chose to blog about it rather than the verse of the day because I learned something new!  Pastor Himaya was able to translate the picture of Christ through the building of the ark.  Had I been taught this in years past, I must have forgotten but now I wish to share as some may have never been shown or they too may have forgotten.  
God told Noah to build a large boat from wood.  As this may be for our benefit so that we would be able to process how much time and effort went into this boat or so scholars didn’t conceive some idea that this boat was made from metals but it seems a little redundant to tell Noah to build an ark out of wood.  During that time, they would not have used any thing else other than wood to make boats.  But we see wood somewhere else in the Bible.  The cross, made of wood, is a huge symbol of the love of God.  Here, with Noah, we see the wooden ark as that love from God.  “Waterproof it with tar.”  Well, of course the boat needs to be waterproofed but this is a covering–like Christ is our covering.  He is our atonement for sin.  The tar was the covering of the boat to protect Noah and his family from the consequences of sin (the flood)–such as Christ is our covering to protect us from the consequences of sin (death and separation from God).  Another word for the stalls that God tells Noah to build throughout the Ark is rooms.  In John 14:2, Jesus tells the disciples “My Father's house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you?”  And then lastly, God tells Noah to build one door for the Ark.  There is to be one way in and one way out.  The Bible says that God left that door open for 7 days before He (God–not Noah) closed it.  This represents Jesus and the Kingdom also.  John 14:6 states that “Jesus told him, "I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one can come to the Father except through me.”  Like there was only one way to survive the flood and not face death and that was through that one door onto the Ark, so is Jesus our one way to free ourselves from that separation from God.  He is the only answer to make us holy and to make us right with God again.  
Pastor Himaya touched on that question we all get when discussing God’s majesty, his goodness and his sovereignty.... “where was God’s mercy during the flood when all of those people died?”  His mercy was in the Ark, people.  In the Ark.  Like today, his mercy is in Christ.  There is a way.  You do not have to live without a relationship with God.  You do not have to spend an eternity separated from God.  You do not have to pay the consequences of sin because Christ has already paid our debt.  Our freedom is in Him.  Our ransom has been paid.  We are free.  But He is the only way.  You have to believe.  You have to accept Him.  Allow God to show you His mercy through Jesus.  
Lord, I thank you for showing me something new.  I thank you that I can see Christ in my study.  Lord, I pray that hearts will continue to be touched and souls saved for your glory alone.  I thank you for the passion that you instill in me.  I thank you that your Spirit is within me and that I can feel you.  Lord, my soul cries out for your goodness, your sacrifice and for your love.  How I love to hear the good news.  How I love to know you died for me, Lord.  For me.  Before I even knew you, Lord.  You took a brutal beating and died a sinner’s death for me.  Because you loved me, I can now love you.  And I do love you, Lord, with a heart so full that I can’t even place into words how you make me feel.  I worship you, Lord.  Continue to burn your fire within me.    
Romans 5:11   So now we can rejoice in our wonderful new relationship with God because our Lord Jesus Christ has made us friends of God.
We are friends of God through Christ.

Vanderbilt 2009 post PNP Graduation

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

...He is stronger than death (day 4 of the fast)


September 11, 2013

First, just writing out that date makes me want to take some time to reflect on what today means in history.  I think if we are old enough to remember, we all remember where we were 12 years ago on this day.  I remember.  I remember the call from my mom as I was actually asleep, oblivious to anything even happening.  I remember turning on the tv and being paralyzed in shock and fear while sitting on the couch of my little Boonton, NJ apartment--miles away from my comfort zone of my family.   My mom’s voice was filled with fear.  All she knew was that I worked at the Bank of New York, so to her, that meant I was in NYC.  However, I was 30 miles away across the state line in my quiet little neighborhood.  But the fear swelled up within me.  I had never seen such a thing.  My brain could not comprehend what my eyes were seeing.  I was naive, a mere 20 years old and other than the Oklahoma City bombing from when I was 13, I had never been so near to something so tragic.  I tried to call out to my friends but the phones were all locked up.  It was a mess.  It was devastating. But we all remember those days that followed.  Our little town was strengthened.  We had heard of gas stations who were charging 5 bucks a gallon but our local shop was selling it for 80 cents a gallon and there were American flags everywhere.  Lapel pins, banners, marquees, and flags consumed our streets, our yards, our buildings and even our clothing.  We all joined together.  We were all broken.  We all sought justice.  We were nicer to one another.  We all loved America. I go back to that feeling that I really didn’t understand before that time.  My heart overflows with the patriotism, the uniting of our nation, the mission work that was done during those following days.  We really came together.   Remember, today, those lost and remember that love for America.  America has its downfalls.  We are gluttonous, stingy, spoiled, but we are also the land of the free.  We are also the land where people risk their lives to flee to because we offer opportunity, freedom and a hope.  Remember that when you think of America.  

Verse of the Day:
Philippians 4:9
What you have learned and received and heard and seen in mepractice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.  

This is Paul speaking to the church at Philippi.  This letter speaks much of joy, yet it comes from a man who was possibly in prison–simply for being a Christian.   Throughout history, the word joy has taken on a not so substantial meaning.  Often, it refers to a fleeting feeling that is made full from possessions, actions, people but true joy is that abiding sense of happiness.  Like depression can seem like this ever nagging cloud of doubt and dull while even in happy times, true joy that comes from the Lord leaves us with hope, happiness, a sense of all-is-well within our soul even when the rain comes.  That, my friend is joy.  And Paul, while sitting in a prison for no real crime, speaks to a church miles away of joy.  
Philippians is lit up in my Bible with highlighting and underlining of well-known verses in its short 4 chapters:
1:21..to live is Christ and to die is gain.
2:14 Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure...
2:12...work out your salvation with fear and trembling
3:7..I now consider loss for the sake of Christ
4:13 I can do all things through him who gives me strength
4:19 And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.
...and many more.
Paul writes to the church at Philippi as a friend would write another.  He offers hope, encouragement and a peace that could only come from God.  Rejoice remains a recurring theme and like my Bible edition sums it up, Paul’s philosophy is “to live is Christ and to die is gain."  God is stronger than death, and that makes a Christian’s joy indestructible.   
So as we go through trials and deal with unknowns and remain far from a world of absolutes and certainties, we can remain joyful, hopeful, confident that our God is stronger, better and that he wants well for us.
So, as I look at Paul and read this verse of the day that he writes while sitting in a jail cell, I will practice that same hope, encouragement and display the joy that God has given me through the Holy Spirit. 

 I love you, Lord.  I honor you.  You are my great encourager and I will try to encourage others as you lead me to.

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Genesis.... again??? 9/8/2013


Yes, again!  I will never get enough!
Just a short recap of our sermon this AM...

September 8, 2013

EPIC--our sermon series beginning September 8 and leading through Easter.  

Epic starts out in Genesis.  This is a series hitting those epic stories of the Bible that show us that glimpse of Christ.   
Genesis makes me giddy.  Like a school girl at show and tell, bringing my stuffed oversized spotted turtle that my aunt gave me, ready to show the world my treasured gift, so is Genesis to my soul.  Reading the story of creation, hearing of the gifts God gave us, the perfectness, the simplicity, the ease in our being brings about a hope and love that can only be given by the Holy Spirit.  And even as I walk through Genesis and we only make it a mere 3 chapters before we twist the paradise and my heart is breaking, I am still in awe because I know that just a few more verses, not even chapters but only verses, God gives us our first glimpse of Jesus and the gospel.  Even as I scream at Eve to not eat, Adam to tell her to stop, scream at Adam to just answer God, tell him the truth, repent, just REPENT, I still have hope because God gave us that hope first.  
Now while I fully believe that pride is at the center of our every sin--this thinking that we know better, we are better, we are capable of better--our pastor taught that Adam and Eve had grown complacent.  I could see that.  But again, I would say that pride is at the center of our complacency.  Pastor Himaya pointed out that complacency leads to complaining which leads to discontentment and this leads to an untrusting.  Adam and Eve had everything.  Their work was easy.  They could enjoy all of the fruits of the garden except for one.  They had a direct relationship, no I would say friendship, with God.  But they grew complacent with the blessing of God and this led them to lacking the trust in God that they had once had.  So when the serpent came to them, they were already susceptible to believing the lie.  And since this time, we have constantly wanted to do what we want.  Genesis shows us that God is willing to hurt us for own good.  Pastor Himaya demonstrated this same hurt in the way that if a car was barreling down the road toward your child, you would without a second thought push your child down on the pavement as you pushed him out of the way.  You would risk skinning a knee or an elbow, bruising a tush or a hand.  You would risk fracturing a bone to save your child from getting pummeled by a moving car.  Genesis brings us the curse but Genesis also shows that God loves us.  Genesis brings us the fall but Genesis brings us Jesus.  What a beautiful picture of Jesus.  


one of my favorite sleepers worn by both my favorites;-)

Sealed... 9/10/13


September 10, 2013

I have an interview set up for tomorrow evening at 6.  I am incredibly excited and nervous.  It has been years since I have had to interview--probably since 2007 or so.  My clinical rotation with Dr. Wade was my interview.  He extended me a job offer and contract on my last day of clinical so I have never had to do a face to face, tell me your weaknesses, your strengths kind of interview as a PNP.  I was spoiled and somewhat blessed in this matter.  I have always gotten every position that I have ever interviewed for.  I was blessed by God alone.  What type of questions would he ask me?  Will I have to recite the immunization schedule verbatim?  List reasons why I would not immunize? Work out a case study?  Eek!!  What are my strengths?  What are my weaknesses?  Yikes!!  

Verse of the Day: 
Ephesians 1:13-14
In him you also, when you heard the gospel of your salvation, and believed in him, were sealed with the promised Holy Spirit, who is the guarantee of our inheritance until we acquire possession of it, to the praise of his glory.  

I read a story while reading some commentary on these verses.  It was of an elderly lady who was making her final arrangements as she knew the end was nearing.  The pastor had came and she discussed, music, flowers, belongings.  She made it known that she wanted to be buried with her Bible and then as the pastor was about to leave, she remembered there was one last thing.  She wanted to buried with a fork in her right hand.  The pastor was baffled.  He couldn’t imagine why a fork.  She explained that at church function meals, her favorite part was when the people who were clearing the tables told her that she could go ahead and keep her fork.  She knew what this meant.  There was more to come.  Something better was on the way.  It wasn’t going to be jello but cake or pie was going to be handed out.  So she wanted to be buried with that fork because she knew there was something better to come and that fork symbolized that for her.  

The Holy Spirit is our promise.  It’s our fork, so to speak.  The Holy Spirit is our seal, our guarantee that we will one day inherit the Kingdom of Heaven and that we are now in Christ.  The meal is good but Lord almighty, the dessert is worth the wait.  Jesus is worth the wait.  The Kingdom is coming.  I know that I will now look at keeping my fork in a whole new light, so I wanted to share and I hope you too will smile when told that you can keep your fork--I will probably giggle some;-)  
God is so good to give us that promise, to place in us a stake, a place holder that reminds and reassures us of things to come and what we have.  Bless the name of Jesus.  He is worthy of our praise.  


if this doesn't make you laugh, you should probably call a code....



Update:  So, I talked to a physician recruiter whose group manages the urgent care/ER to which I was referring that is in Tulsa.  It sounds like a definite viable option as far as pay and benefits but there are still a lot of unknowns--hours, scope, credentialing and I have yet to speak with the actual director of the ER.  There are options but God has a plan.  I am praying for a good interview tomorrow evening and that God will continue to guide my steps. I know he has so far.  



Forsake me not...9/9/13


September 9, 2013
Forsake Me Not When My Strength Is Spent
In you, O Lord, do I take refuge;
    let me never be put to shame!
In your righteousness deliver me and rescue me;
    incline your ear to me, and save me!
Be to me a rock of refuge,
    to which I may continually come;
you have given the command to save me,
    for you are my rock and my fortress.
Rescue me, O my God, from the hand of the wicked,
    from the grasp of the unjust and cruel man.
For you, O Lord, are my hope,
    my trust, O Lord, from my youth.
Upon you I have leaned from before my birth;
    you are he who took me from my mother's womb.
My praise is continually of you.
I have been as a portent to many,
    but you are my strong refuge.
My mouth is filled with your praise,
    and with your glory all the day.
Do not cast me off in the time of old age;
    forsake me not when my strength is spent.
For my enemies speak concerning me;
    those who watch for my life consult together
and say, “God has forsaken him;
    pursue and seize him,
    for there is none to deliver him.”

As I begin my fast from facebook and instagram, I decided it would be best to journal my journey through this 21 days.  The fast was to begin last night but after looking at both social media outlets early yesterday morning, I decided it best to just go ahead and start on our way to church.  Last night, as I was reading my Bible verse of the day on my Bible app, I decided that journaling the verse of the day accompanied by how I can apply that to my life would be most beneficial in leaning on God more and more.  If along the way, I read something else or learn something else, I will also try to journal this!  So you may get an ear full everyday!  Again, we are fasting to align our will with God’s to ensure that our plans and pursuits are in line with His.  Happy reading!
As I began day two, I was encouraged.  I find pieces of my life coming together.  I am beginning to see the wolves in sheep’s clothing. I am seeing doors open, doors close that need to be and God fulfilling His promise to me.  He will never forsake me.  During the past week I have had a combination of job possibilities that have ranged from 2 days a week, totaling 12 hours total to a full work week plus possible overtime in the comforts (confines??) of my own clinic.  Although 12 hours a week divided between two evening shifts does seem ideal, I am not certain that this position will have longevity.  I would be filling in for an urgent care that is not pediatric specific but will only be seeing the peds patients.  There is a possibility that if someone were to come along that had family credentialing then I could see myself without a job.  The hopes of being in my own clinic sounds amazing.  But then I think of all of the stress and commitment that is associated with that and I almost puke!  When I first started out as a nursing student, this was of course my goal but as you all know, my goal had changed significantly.  There is also a possibility of a full-time urgent care position at one of the local hospitals that would consist of 12 hour shifts three days a week.   
I feel God leading me to a clinic in Tulsa but I have yet to meet with this doctor in person and really discuss the specifics.  The previous PNP was working three 12 hour shifts with no weekends.  She would work 9-9 with her daytime hours in the clinic and from what I understand, her after 4 hours in the urgent care.  I know that 12 hour shifts may seem ridiculous to you but I would love to be home 4 full days and only work 3.  Gabe is not in school, there are no sports to work around so for me to work 12’s for awhile would be more ideal for us.  The doctor of the clinic was Gideon’s doctor at St. John Owasso when he was born.  He let me know about the opening of his new clinic and gave me a flier in case I was interested in coming to work there.  I, of course at the time, was entering into a new contract of three years--so I wasn’t going anywhere.  But it was exciting to have someone show interest when I wasn’t even looking!  I remember Kirsten, the NNP who cared for Gideon (and later Gabe,) telling me how great Dr. Henley was and that he may be looking for someone.  But I was taken.  I’ve been taken.  Until now.  
I received a message at work last Thursday from the PNP at the clinic with a simple name, number, office location and to call or text back.  I assumed/hoped that since it said I could text that this was not patient related!  I text back and waited in anticipation.  Sure enough, she replied back in search of a PNP.  She had been given my name through a friend.  After about a year of working at the clinic and many trips back and forth to Africa, she was leaving to go to Africa permanently and she was looking for someone to take her place.  Even better, she had been working 12 hour shifts three days a week.  I had been searching for this type of position.  I was giddy to say the least.  Thankful to God for sure.  I excitedly emailed the doctor.  It was difficult to not use my exclamations, my smiley faces.  I had to keep it professional.  I waited all evening....checking my email almost hourly and again as soon as I woke.  lance and I prayed over it, praying for God’s will.  I checked my email again just before heading off to work.  My body just worn down from the trip back and forth, longing for closeness to home.  But there was nothing.  No reply.  Unease began to swell within me.  Maybe he didn’t like my resume.  Did he even get it?  How could I have stood out more?  Friday morning I had to sign my panel away at work.  Instantly I felt a little of “what are you doing?...are you crazy?...you do not have a job?...you are making a mistake.”  But then like the calming Sprit He is, I heard soft, stern and clear, “No one who puts a hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the Kingdom of God.”  I heard Him loud and clear.  I will not look back, Lord.  It is your will I am seeking.  You will not forsake me.  I will keep my eyes on you.  I checked my email after texting Lance and in my inbox was a thank you email from the doctor, wanting to meet me as soon as possible.  God is gracious.  God is good.  

Psalm 71:8 was the verse for today but simply leading with that verse doesn’t tell us the whole story.  It is easy to praise Him when all is well but we must be able to see His splendor, His glory, His goodness when all is not well.  Here we see David worn, tired, his strength fading.  He cries out to God to not forsake him in his hour of need.  He speaks that God has never forsaken him and he won’t start now.  David has had trial, he has had hardship but he will praise the name of the Lord.  He will return to Him.  

I am by no means David but i do feel my strength fading, my spirit tiring but the Lord can save me. He will never forsake me.  He will bring me through to the other side.  I thank Him for this calm that He has given me and these plans that He continues to bless me with.  Although this Peds clinic may not be where I land I think God gives me these plans to help keep me afloat.  It is through Him that all good things come.  I will praise Him for these things.  



Who wouldn't want to spend more time with this sweet baby???