...he washed their feet

“…he poured water into a basin and began to wash his disciples’ feet, drying them with the towel that was wrapped around him.”—John 13:5

on repeat.  This image playing over and over in my head.  I picture him there, essentially in his undergarments, on his hands and knees, washing and drying the feet of his closest friends.  As we started the day out with our morning scripture reading, we discussed the events of Maundy Thursday.  Gabe found it humorous how dirty the disciples feet would be.  “Like a day at the lake without any shoes.”  We talked about communion and the betrayal by Judas.  We talked about Jesus going to pray in the garden.  But mostly we talked about the feet washing.  Growing up, I always thought the washing of feet came at the end after Judas was already gone.  It probably was within the last decade that I learned Judas was still there and it actually happened before the meal was over.  And today, that really hit me and stuck with me.  There are many reasons for Jesus’ act of washing the disciples’ feet—being a servant, symbolizing the need for repentance, but today I really focused on Judas.  

Jesus knew that Judas was going to betray him.  Yet he still chose to wash his feet.  Why?  In all honesty friends, that’s a struggle for me. Of course, he’s Jesus.  He’s the ultimate forgiver.  That’s why he is God and we are not.  But hurt is real.  And when I feel betrayed, the last thing I want to to do is get on my hands and knees and do something so low for the ones I feel betrayed by.  But here it is.  Here he is doing just that.  He was God.  In mere hours, he was going to be handed over by his own.  Judas had walked along side Jesus for 3 years.  He had seen with his own eyes the miracles.  He had heard with his own ears the teachings of Jesus.  Yet, he still handed over Jesus for some extra money in his pocket.  But still, Jesus washed his feet.  Was it merely an act of servanthood that he was compelled to do for all 12?  Was it hypocritical because Judas was not “whole body clean”?  Was it an opportunity for Judas to repent and turn from the deceit?   I believe time and time again, Jesus was trying to reach out to Judas.  He loved Judas.   Nowhere do you read about contempt or rejection towards Judas.  Nowhere.    How could he do it?  I just couldn’t do it.  But then I thought about the other 11.  Why was it so easy for me to think of Jesus serving the 11 but not Judas?  These 11 would also deny him.  They too would sin against God.  These men were considered his best friends, the ones he loved and they too would give him up for fear of their own loss.  Even in knowing all of it, he still washed their feet.  The King was now the servant.  And as I’ve reflected throughout today—trying to figure out how to let go of resentment and contempt, I struggled.  How could I possibly get on my hands and knees and wash the feet of those who have hurt me?   Then  I realized God had answered my question with the very verse I had been pondering and picturing all day. Get down on your hands and knees and pray.  Seek God.  Pray.  Although Jesus was fully God, he also was full man.  He felt the same struggle and agitation but he was constantly looking to the father for his response, for his actions, for his guidance. Without that grace of Christ, I too could be Judas or Peter or…Without grace, I am any one of the 12.  

As we enter into Good Friday, I encourage you to think about that one who you feel abandoned you.  I encourage you to think about the one who didn’t call to check in on you or send a text to see how things were going.  I encourage you to think about the one who spread lies or who lied directly to your face.  Now pray.  Pray for them.  Don’t pray that “they will see the error in their ways” or that “God will give them theirs” but pray like Jesus would pray.  Pray for their health.  Pray for their wealth.  Pray for their happiness, their comfort, their freedom.  Pray they know Jesus.  In the most agonizing time of Jesus’ life on earth, he chooses to comfort the disciples when they should have been comforting him.  May we all have hearts like Jesus.  

Even on the night that Jesus was betrayed he still gave thanks (1Cor 11:23-24). Surely, in this time of suffering, in this time of being uncomfortable, we too can give thanks to the one who shed his blood, to the one who sacrificed his life for us. We thank you, Jesus. Continue to make us new. Continue to fix our eyes and our hearts on you. Thank you for the grace that covers us. Thank you for the grace that sets us free. Free us from our bondage. Free us from our bitterness. Free us from the things that are not of you.