“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.” --Jeremiah 29:11-14
As I pack up our home, I reflect on our journey here, the memories made and look forward to the future. This is the first home we have ever built. Gabe’s hand print is embedded in the driveway. We got to be a part of every step of the construction phase and see this house come to life. We brought Cadence home here. We have shared so many memories with our friends and family here through the birthday parties, graduation party, hosting community groups and just offering a place to rest. There is no doubt that part of me will miss this home. The layout inside has always made sense to me. There is no wasted space, no poorly planned, “what do we do here” area. Every room has a purpose and every space has a use. Even the cut out area in the hall was perfect for our seating bench and then Gabe’s piano. It is a great design. But still, for many reasons, we are leaving. As we don’t have plans for what the future holds and we will be moving into an apartment, I struggle.
I relentlessly search home sites looking for a house that fits our wish list or land that we could make our own. I have multiple searches set up of my own as well as one from our realtor so that i can be notified as soon as something new comes on the market within our criteria. I am in weekly contact with our banker, asking various questions regarding various financing options, current rates and updating her with our current info. I find myself yearning to know, to just have an idea... We will sell our home and build. We will sell our home and buy a new home. We will sell our home and buy an older home. We will sell our home and buy something in Broken Arrow. We will sell our home and buy in Bixby. We will sell our home and live in an apartment for x amount of months... It’s not known at this time. Even though we have an apartment lined up for move in in 1 week, I still consider that an undecided. If something were to come up for sale that was what we wanted before our move date then we wouldn’t even rent an apartment at all but instead stay with family until we closed. So even that is iffy. And honestly, even the sell of our house is iffy. There are four closings happening on one day. Our contract resides on our buyers closing on their previous home, which resides on their buyers closing on their previous home and their buyers closing on their previous home. So even this packing could al be for not.
On Sunday, I journeyed to church with both kids in tow. Lance had had an awful night at work so we got home at 8, he was exhausted and stayed home to sleep. We have started going to a new church plant over the past few months. The congregation is small and we share a space with another church. There is children’s church in the room behind the sanctuary and it’s not exactly sound proof and my daughter is not quiet. She has had stranger anxiety from the age of 6 months and as we have tried to get her use to going into children’s church, she has cried for almost the duration of the entire service. But this Sunday was different. This Sunday, she cried for a few moments and then I didn’t hear her any longer. So when the time came for reflection, I actually had time. I had peace and quiet and opportunity to talk to God without distraction. So I turned and knelt at my seat and began to pray. “God, show me what we are to do. Let your plan be known to us. Should we buy or build? Let me have peace. Tell me what to do.” And in that moment, His simple answer, “Seek Me”. But should we... “Seek Me.” ...but what about... “Seek Me.” Yes, I hear you but what does that mean? “Seek Me. Spend time with me. Find me in your day. Read more of my Word. Seek Me.” Instantly, He showed me the daily devotional and I knew that I needed to start carving out time every day to devote to Him and the reading of that devotional.
I would like to say that all of the angst and stress of the move is gone. I would like to not say that although I’m excited, I’m also a little depressed about the downsizing while we wait. But I can’t. I’m human and flesh and my brain chases the rabbit trail in 15 different paths every minute. But I can say that I will be obedient and there is a peace in that. And in continuing to be obedient, I know He will continue to work in me and alleviate those fears and feelings. I will seek Him and I will find Him and His plans will be brought to light. He is good.
I thank you, Lord for seeking me first. I thank you for the things that you have done and what you will do, but more importantly what you are doing this very day. Today is yours and I will rejoice in it. I will seek you. I will find you. I will find you here in this very day. I will be glad.
“This is the day the Lord has made; Let us will rejoice and be glad in it.” --Psalm 118:24
What are you seeking? Where are your sights set? It’s so easy to ask God what he has for us and get caught up in the minutiae but how are you working on that bigger picture? What does seeking Him in your life look like?
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