It’s one in the morning on Christmas Day and I am sitting down to write. I need to be up in roughly 4 hours so we can have our Hamm family Christmas together since Lance has to leave around 630. I should be going to bed since I am no longer cleaning the house and preparing for tomorrow but instead I’m writing. I’m not a fast writer either. God often puts something on my heart to write and as I sit down He gives me more and then there is scripture searching and sometimes by the end, what has been written is not at all what I initially thought I was supposed to write about. So, it’s a process and one that will keep me up later than I should but it’s all for the glory of God and He will sustain me, right? Right.
I have been anticipating the reaction to Gabe seeing his paw patroller since I first purchased it. If you have seen any of our past Christmas morning videos then you know he is pretty animated and thankful. His expression is so full of joy and it makes everything all worth while. I still probably beam more than he simply because I love that he is so excited. And now he is three. This is the first year where he has really asked for something so specific. He has asked for a tree in the past and a train but never so specific. The magic of Christmas shall be in full force come 5AM in the Hamm’s house.
So as I finished cleaning up and setting up the gifts and was thinking about that joy, I began thinking of Gideon. Every year I wish Jesus a happy birthday, tell him to kiss my boy for me and pray that my friends and family will be accepting to the pursuit of Jesus. Because every year, I am overcome with JOY. Joy that only comes from God. Although Gabe will make me happy and Gabe’s response will bring me joy, true joy comes from God. The joy that allows me to live in the present, the joy that surpasses my loss and allows me to praise the one who made me, comes only from God. Every year I am overcome with a deeper love for Jesus.
So as I turned to Gideon and pictured what he would be doing here and what I would potentially be buying a blue eyed, chubby five year old, I turned back to what will he be doing in Heaven. Everyday, I picture he looks at his gift, Jesus, and he just radiates with that joy that I see from Gabe on Christmas morning only exponentially more so. And in return Jesus looks at him and beams with his heavenly love and joy. It’s a beautiful picture. I don’t picture presents and wrapping paper. I picture Jesus and my son. That’s enough. That’s all any of us need. Jesus is the reason for our season and although I love giving gifts and we love to play into Santa, I will not forget what our gifts represent and where our joy truly comes from.
It was of course Christmas season when Gideon was born and he had colic, like the worst kind of colic. And he also hated the carseat. So, everyday after picking him up in Muskogee from the sitter's and driving home to BA, I would try to play music and sing to him to help console him. Sometimes it would work and sometimes it wouldn't (typical colic). There were two songs that tended to calm him more than any other thing and one of those was "Little Drummer Boy" by Jars of Clay. To this day, no matter where I am, no matter which version, I instantly go back to those days riding in the back of that car. Then I really listen to the lyrics and the Holy Spirit is stirred within me and I just get it. When the world has become too much and I've lost my way, I again, just get it. He wants me. He wants the unedited/raw version of just me. Little ol me. Whatever my gifts are, whatever I bring to "play" is fine as long as I give him me. His face beams for me and because of that love, yes, because he loved me first, I can and do beam for HIM.
And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid. And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord. And this [shall be] a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger. And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying, Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men. --Luke 2:8-14
For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.--Isaiah 9:6
I pray this Christmas your heart will be open. I pray you are filled with JOY and you accept the only gift that really matters, Jesus Christ.
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| 17 days old in this photo. Play your drum for Jesus, little one. Play your drum. |
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