Fasting for the Lord...

Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are his judgments and how inscrutable his ways. 

“For who has known the mind of the Lord, or who has been his counselor?”  

“Or who has given a gift to him that he might be repaid?”  

For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be glory forever. Amen. --Romans 11:33-36

I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship.Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. --Romans 12:1-2

We are having a corporate fast coming up in September for 21 days at the Church.  I have been rolling over what it is I am to fast for the past month.  I have still yet to decide.  I definitely do not want to take the easy road but want to give up something that not only will make me rely more on God for his strength to make it through but also something that when I am craving the omitted item, I turn to God and the Bible for more time with Him.  

As you all know, I am quitting my job and I have nothing concrete lined up.  There have been options placed in front of me but no contracts signed, no “you start the first.”  No, I gave my notice in full faith that God would get me closer to home and give me more time with Gabe and Lance.  I gave my notice so that I can be more of the mom God desires me to be.  As my contract was coming to an end and due for renewal, I had to make a decision and I knew God was calling me to leave.  This calling has been screaming for a long time but I have refused to place my complete dependence on Him and his provision.  

I feel this fast is in perfect timing (His timing is always perfect, right?).  The fast begins on September 8th and ends September 28th.  My last day of employment is September 30th.  I know these last few weeks of employment will be extremely difficult as doubt plagues my brain.  I will begin to waiver and reach for the quick answer, the option that offers simply a paycheck and security but not the answer that God is wanting me to wait for.  I will not fast for God to give me what I want as in a way to control Him--I sacrifice for You, You give me x amount of money so I never have to work again.  No, I fast so that my will will align with His will.  I want to strengthen my relationship with Him.  I want to make sure that my plans and pursuits are led by Him.  I fast so that I will rely on His strength, His provision, His security.  I fast because I need Him.  He wants me to need Him.  He wants to teach me to need Him more.  

Will you join the Hamm family as we enter into this fast together, praying for God’s guidance and our dependence on Him?  We love you guys and we are so honored that you take the time to read our story.  As in our trials with Gideon, we could use those prayers again for God’s sovereignty and provision.  We need Jesus.  We are desperate for Jesus.  We want to need Him more.  

In my distress I called to the Lord;
    I cried to my God for help.
From his temple he heard my voice;
    my cry came before him, into his ears. --Psalm 18:6

Feel my distress, Jesus.  Hear my cry. 

You can do all things...

Testimony comes in those times when the odds were against you.  Rarely do you hear the testament of how the routine giver routinely gave and yep, this month he was able to pay his bills again and have money left over like he did last month and the month before and the month before that.  No, testimony generally comes from that giver who had his car break down, the fridge go out and an unexpected co-pay and prescription to fill yet he still tithed although he didn't know how he was going to pay to have that new fuel line put in.  But God's provision was given to him and an unexpected check came in the mail or turns out, the fuel line wasn't out, he just happened to have some bad gasoline.  Miracles, that's what we want to brag on Jesus about.  That's what we want to hear about.  I remember profoundly with Gideon, praying for that miracle.  We prayed for him to beat all odds.  I even said, "what a wonderful testimony it would be to tell of our son who was perfectly healed in the name of Jesus on this side of Heaven."  The doctors didn't have a good prognosis and I, like so many other mothers standing in my place before me, wanted God to prove them wrong.  I wanted my testimony.  I wanted it my way.  I wanted our  son.  But God being all sovereign, leading us down his path and not our own, gave us another testimony.  Is it that my son died?  Of course not.  My testimony remains that although our son passed away, although we didn't get what we wanted, although my husband fasted and saw no tangible results, our hearts still belong to Jesus.  Our testimony remains that satan has no hold on us.  Our testimony remains that hell has no power.  Jesus is our source.  Jesus is our salvation.  And for us that salvation brings us many things even this side of heaven--saved from depression, from hate, from a deep pit of self-loathing.  Jesus is the only way that we have survived.  Our faith in him, his grace to us--that is all.    

Today, as I was journaling--journaling to Jesus, I was encouraged and I wanted to share this encouragement with you.  As I am patiently waiting on God, which at times is honestly not the calmest of spirit, I will remember that I have been obedient.  I must wait for Him.  I will remember that God is in control.  God loves me.  God loves my little family.  And although things may not always go as I had planned or as I want, in time or action, He is in control, has my best interest at heart and His plans will only make me stronger in Him--which is the only thing that matters anyway.  Be encouraged by Job.  Even though God allowed a lot of harm to come his way, his relationship in Christ was only refined by the fire.      

Then Job replied to the Lord:

“I know that you can do all things;    

no purpose of yours can be thwarted.

You asked, ‘Who is this that obscures my plans without knowledge?’

Surely I spoke of things I did not understand,

things too wonderful for me to know.

“You said, ‘Listen now, and I will speak;

I will question you,    

and you shall answer me.’

My ears had heard of you   

 but now my eyes have seen you.

Therefore I despise myself    

and repent in dust and ashes.” --Job 42:1-6

Our original little monkey in utero;-)