All things Apple...

Candy coated fruit--who wouldn't love it??  A couple of weeks ago a drug rep brought some yummy coated apples into the clinic.  He had purchased them from a shop in Tulsa and they cost anywhere from $8-$12 an apple, if he was telling me the truth.  With the designer box and fancy wrapping, I'm sure that he was.  Anywho, he had two kinds that he shared with us; a caramel-white chocolate-butterfinger and a caramel- white chocolate-oreo.  I wasn't a fan of the oreo and neither were my colleagues but we LOVED the butterfinger.  I'm pretty sure I had three BIG slices.  Well, I have been determined to make these delectable treats on my own--there is no way that I am paying that price for an apple of any sort!!  But I hadn't had the opportunity to make them.  I needed a good event and the time.  Between remodeling the bathroom and baking cookies for church, my creative time is spent.  Well, tomorrow is home group and since Lance gives me such a hard time about not making a dessert or any other new recipe more than once, I figured I would stick to that and make a new dessert;-)  I hope to make these again though because they are YUM-O!!

So, I started off with 4 green apples, washed and dried them and then stuck them with tooth picks.  I do not have skewers or popsicle  sticks and refused to buy them for this project--I am trying to conserve the money and not reach the $8 price tag!

lined with parchment paper (but you should probably use some cooking spray on the paper before you place them with the caramel on them--I learned the hard way.

Then I mixed an 11 oz bag of caramel bits with two tablespoons of water over medium heat, stirring constantly until the caramel was good and smooth.  Then remove the caramel from heat and start spooning the caramel onto your apples--trying to evenly coat.  Place coated apples in your parchment paper lined pan and refrigerate for at least 30 minutes. (remember the cooking spray!)

After the caramel has set completely, you can then coat with the white chocolate.   I used 1 cup of white chocolate baking chips, mixed it with 1tbs of shortening and stirred constantly over medium heat until smooth. Then remove from heat and coat your apples again but with your white chocolate mixture.

I dipped the bottoms straight in the pan and then used the spoon to drizzle and cover the rest.

As soon as the apple is coated with the white chocolate, begin placing the ground butterfinger on it.  (I used about 6 fun size butterfinger and chopped them up in the food processor until they were fine.)  Continue those steps--coat with white chocolate, pack with Butterfinger until all of the apples are complete.  Store apples, covered and in the fridge until ready to serve,

This gets a little messy as the butterfinger starts sticking to your fingers....

Quarter, seed and serve when ready!!!
  These 4 apples cost about as much to make as one of the $8 gourmet apples costs to buy;-)  Happy saving!...and eating;-)

Don’t let Satan steal your joy…

Christmas is around the corner and with the excitement of Christmas comes concerns of our well-being over the holiday.  How will we cope?  How will we celebrate?  What will it be like?  Will we feel up to even going anywhere?  Will we want to be with the rest of our family?

I absolutely love Christmas.  I always have.  It stirs a cozy and quaint feeling within me.  Last year, for the first time, we got a real tree and decorated it in the most beautiful blue, white and silver decorations with only white lights.  Growing up I loved the over the top tree—red, green and white lights that flashed along with the music, and every decoration of every sort that we could get our hands on and that is what we always had.  Last year, we decided that we would start a new tradition.  We would have a real tree, decorated in similar items with white twinkling lights and a new ornament that would celebrate our family every year so that our children could see all of the family history throughout the years when it was time to place the tree up.   So, last year our new ornaments included a silver spoon with a blue ribbon that had Baby’s 1^st Christmas engraved on it and a “First Christmas in Our New Home” ornament. 

So this year, the day after Thanksgiving and sticking with tradition, we went and got a tree and got it put up and decorated with the help of many people—my dad, husband, niece and James.  But we got it accomplished and up on the tree rests that spoon and little house.  It was hard to decorate at first.  Last year I was 38 weeks pregnant decorating and expecting the birth of our sweet boy.  This year, I was pregnant again and missing my sweet Gideon. After pulling out the spoon, I had to take a break and pray and talk a little while with Jesus.  He gave me much peace and rest as I remembered why I love Christmas so much.

I love the joy of the season.  I love the giving of gifts and the look of appreciation from those receiving.  I love the way the air changes and everything just smells better.  I love gathering with my family and running from one place to the next to be sure that we see everyone.  I love the yummy food and all of the leftovers.  I love all of the decorated trees and all of the light displays.  Every year we go to the “Celebrate with Family” program at Church on the Move and I love their production.  But more than the great music, the lights and the comedy that they seem to make better every year, I simply love the story of Christmas--which from year to year, never changes.  I love the way Willie George tells about the birth of Christ.  I LOVE CHRIST.  This is what Christmas is about. 

Every Christmas I fall more and more in love with Jesus and am thankful for all that he did to save me.  Last year, I was thankful that He had come and that we could gather as a family with our barely 2 week old baby.  God gave me this joy.  He helps me find joy in all of these things that he created—all of the loves that I mentioned above.  Last year, it really hit that without Him, I would not have all that I have and I would not have been blessed with our baby.  I reflected on the offering that our God had to make and was thankful that I was not the one in His place.    

So this year as I sat and talked to Jesus for a while, while taking a break from my emotions running over and completely clouding my joy, He reassured me that He is still the God that I loved.  He is still the same as He was last year.  And He reminded me that Christmas is all about Him.  Everything else that we get is just a “kicker”.  Freely, I told him that I wasn’t sure how I would handle Gideon’s birthday which I was assured that He would help me through but Christmas was still Christmas.

So this year, while I will miss seeing the baby that was passed from one family member to the next on Christmas day, I will find peace once again in my Savior.  I will fall even more and more in love with Him once again.  This year, I will hold tight to His birth even more.  Without Jesus coming, without God sending His son to die, I would not have the promise that I will again be able to see my baby in Heaven.  Thank you, Jesus.  I will love you and celebrate you like I have every year in the past and I will not let Satan steal my joy.



Lance and Gideon in front of our first family tree.



http://vimeo.com/18156241

Happy, happy birthday..

December 8, 2011

"You open wide your hand and satisfy the desire of every living thing. The LORD is just in all his ways, merciful in all his works. The LORD is near to all who call upon him, to all who call upon him in truth. He fulfills the desire of those who fear him; he hears their cry and saves them."

In preparing for today, we were quite unsure of what we should do.  It has been nine months since we lost our sweet boy.  Should we have a birthday party?  Bring out his special birthday plate and cup that Tonya gave us for a baby shower gift?  Light a candle atop a cupcake?  Sing happy birthday to the sky?  It seemed a bit dramatic and over the top…  Should we meet at his grave for a family gathering and remembrance?  His headstone wouldn’t be set and his name marker had already been removed so we would simply be staring at a mound of dirt covered in sparse grass with toys that had been brought atop it or staring at one another.  What would we do once we were there?  Say something about him?  Cry together?  Sing happy birthday there?  Possibly, we should have a family dinner out somewhere?  Again, I think it was too soon for that. 

So, as we grew closer and closer to today, I was undecided how the day would be celebrated and handled.  I wasn’t sure how it would unfold but I knew that it would be difficult so I went ahead and requested the day off.  My mom and a few of my friends had taken off as well for their own mourning and remembrance but also to be there for me in case I needed someone.  Lance had taken the day off as well so he could spend that time with me.  I am truly blessed with a loving and supportive husband, family and close group of friends.  I also knew that there were many people lifting us up in prayer so that would be able to encounter this day with the strength of Jesus.  I decided last night that I would spend the day with Lance doing things that we needed to do, staying busy, remembering Gideon, and thanking God for both of our sons, going to see the finished headstone that by God’s sovereignty came in yesterday and by going to visit the resting place of our infant’s flesh and bones.  Yep, I knew it would be hard.

I spent last night remembering the days before giving birth.  I remember calling Lance at 430 in the morning to let him know that I was having contractions.  They were nowhere near regular but they were there.  He had worked an 8 hour shift at the port after his 8 hour shift at work—just another way that he thanks God for provision in providing work that he is able to do.  One thing I love about my husband is that he doesn’t pray for wealth or riches to simply be handed to him or “to fall in his lap”, he prays for God to provide work.  And God is faithful.  Lance knew that we would be off work for 6 weeks.  He had vacation and comp time to cover his entire length of maternity leave but I only had a couple of weeks and an AFLAC plan that wouldn’t make up the entire amount that I would be missing out so he worked hard those months leading up to our delivery so we would have our finances in order and wouldn’t stress about money while we were enjoying our newborn and time off together.  I remember spending that day together--him rubbing my back, helping me through the contractions, talking to Gideon through my belly in his Elmo voice and telling him to “hurry up and come out sucka”.  Yes, that is my husband.  He makes me smile.  My mom came over later in the evening so that she could be there to ride with us to the hospital in case we left through the night.  All night long, my contractions would get stronger and closer then weak and spread apart--12 minutes then 7 minutes then 19 minutes.  This went on for hours.  I kept on remembering the advice of my doctor—consistently 3-5 minutes apart for 1-2 hours then it’s time to go to the hospital.  I waited and waited and waited.  Then finally I decided that it was time to rest at about 2 in the morning.  This seemed to intensify the contractions.  They started to increase in intensity but were still sporadic.  At about 3:45, I decided it was time to call the doctor because I felt like it was going to happen soon!  As I was telling all that had happened, I had to pause to go through a contraction.  He told me to go ahead and head that way since we had a little bit of a drive.  The car had to be the trigger because as soon as we got moving around and all packed up and headed to the hospital, my contractions began to increase to every 3-4 minutes and were much stronger.  When I arrived at the hospital at 4:30, I was already 100% effaced and dilated to an 8—which means, this baby is coming soon!! 

Those memories danced through my head as I sat in Gideon’s room sobbing for him once more.  The nurses were so supportive—praising me for not being induced and going on and on about how rare it is to have someone come in when they are actually in labor.  I was pleased.  We had managed to wait it out at home and now we were going to have a baby.  The anesthesiologist came quickly and gave my epidural—which only required one stick and God was kind enough to not give me any contractions during that procedure.  Gideon was still high so the nurses had me do some finagling to help get him down.  The epidural made me a little nauseous but that quickly resolved and I was given some O2 to help ease my symptoms.    At approximately 10:00 AM, my OB came in and the pushing began.  The time seemed to fly.  Before I knew it, it was 10:24 AM and there was our tiny baby boy, finally on the outside.  Doctor Cook joked that he was too small and we needed to put him back for a little whileJ  But no, I could finally hold him in my arms.  I had waited for this moment for 40 weeks, loving every moment of being pregnant but excited to hold our little bundle close in my arms. 

I wept and wept as I sat in that chair last night remembering the birth of my first child and stared at his, what felt to be, empty room.  Piles of toys and clothes stacked from one end to the other across the floor.  A mountain of hospital “get well soon” cards, hand prints, baby clothes and any other miscellaneous small items that had only made it to his vanity because I wasn’t able to bring them all of the way in.  There was plenty of “stuff” in the room but there was no baby.  I stared at his empty crib and just thought about all of the nights and afternoons that I would just watch him sleep and the mornings when he would be so happy to see me and I would rescue him and scoop him up in my arms as we started out our day.  I longed to be able to rescue him again and hold him once more.

But there is nothing to rescue him from.  He has been perfectly rescued and healed and rests in the arms of our Heavenly Father who I know loves him far more than we do.  So today, we tried to remember that love as we ventured through the day.  There was a lot of crying, a lot of laughing and a lot of memories made.  We decided that we will celebrate Gideon’s birthday with Gabe in years to come and it will be a family tradition.  We will tell him stories throughout the year but especially on December 8^th of all of the lives his sweet brother touched and we will always remember our son and we will always tell our future children about their big brother who was a mighty warrior of God.

Though I am weak, You are strong

11-2-11

This pregnancy has been a different experience for Lance and me.  Although all of my symptoms have been the same, this pregnancy has been a completely different experience.  First, we were coming into this pregnancy after the loss of our son.  We had once held our precious boy in our arms and felt that love and connection but it had been ripped away from us and this time we knew that feeling as a couple whereas before we didn’t know what it was like to have a child together.  So this pregnancy was already different.  We both knew how much the little bundle that would soon be growing inside my belly would teach us and we were already anticipating having the sounds of baby, the smells of baby, the joy of baby fill our house. 

Second, we had to wait.  God did not just give us a new pregnancy on our first try like He did with Gideon.  No, this time we had to wait 6 months before we got a plus sign.  Again and again, we were reminded that our plan is not always the best plan, that what we wants isn’t always what God has in store for us.  And we had to realize that what God wants should be what we want.  His plan should be our plan and although it may “stink’, ultimately it is far better than what we would have in store for ourselves. 

Third, our first ultrasound experience was very different.  I read two weeks earlier than calculated so we just got more time stacked onto the due date.  The tech was rushed and we didn’t get to see the best images—partly also because it was so often.  And then we didn’t get any photos--again, completely different.

Now, here we are at 12 weeks with no real, tangible proof that I am pregnant, that God is molding a little being inside of me and still all the while missing our sweet son and wishing he were here to be the big brother.  I have been feeling the baby move low in my belly for the past week.  The movements are so light that Lance can’t feel all of the flutter so he is separated from the connection.  He was in need of getting to hear the heartbeat and honestly, so was I.  He asked on the way to the appointment, “So we will be able to hear the heartbeat today, right?”  “I really need to hear the heartbeat.  I need something.”  So when the doctor tried to pick up a beat with the Doppler and there was no success, our hearts sank.  He excused himself from the room.  I thought that he was going to get a different Doppler and try again.  During that time, the questions came…what do we do if he can’t find it?  Do we go for an ultrasound?  Then he came back with the laptop ultrasound machine.  We had to wait 15 minutes for it to warm up.  He left while it was warming and there was a lot of praying happening again in that room.  Pleading for movement, pleading for a heartbeat, pleading for a perfect God made baby developing inside of me.  He came back in, placed the wand on my stomach and instantly we were able to see our baby--his heart just fluttering away.  His arms and legs reaching for the sky as his butt bounced off the bottom of my trampoline uterus.  This was very reminiscent of Gideon during bathtime as we often had to pull him back into his little tub.  Lance was ecstatic.  The joy overflowed us both but it was truly touching to see the gift that God had given Lance.  He had gone in with the simple hope of hearing his child’s heart for the first time but God knew better what he needed.

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord.  Isaiah 55:8

I know that many more things will probably be different and there will be more bumps along the road but it is important that we seek His plan not our own and remember…

…we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose—Romans 8:28   Not that all things will be sunshine and roses but God makes all things good. :-)

What are you waiting for???

Yesterday I got word that someone who I am very close to and love very much was a having a rough time.  He was in desperate need of prayer.  About 8 months ago, he had given his life to the Lord and now he was being faced with some serious trials as a result of earlier circumstances.  Among other things, he was really wrestling with whether he was a good dad.  Three out of four of his girls from a previous marriage had recently decided that they wanted to move more than an hour away to live with their mom. He had put off for quite some time allowing this move to take place but he finally felt like he had no other choice but to let them go.  During their time there, their trips back here have been few and far between.  Their 3 year old sister repeatedly asks “where are my sisters” and “when will I see them.”  To which there is no good answer that she would understand.  For the past three years, she has lived a life that involved them every day and now they are gone.  He also has had to deal with questions from us, asking when they would return and when we will be able to see them.  Again, he has no answer.  And again he has his own worries.  What are they doing?  Are they safe?  Are they getting into trouble?  Are they doing well in school? (Not that their mother didn’t worry about the same things but these things are consequences of divorce and a topic for another post—this is to merely express the hardship and the trial that he was enduring and continues to endure.)  So not only is he having to absorb everyone’s questions and concerns but his own concerns and then he has to deal with his own loss, his own feelings of missing them and his own broken heart.   Well Friday, they were supposed to come back for the weekend but for some reason they didn’t.  He had been in a good mood, awaiting their arrival until he got the news.  It was then that he began to show his vulnerability and his weakness.  It was then that we, as a loving family, were able to see just how well he was doing.  It was then that we were able to see just how much he needed our love and prayer. 

So last night on my way home, I called Lance and asked him to be praying for him.  And as I got off the phone, I too began praying for him.  I knew that others were also praying.  I asked that God confirm in his heart, in whatever way he seemed fit, that he is a good father.  I asked for open eyes on behalf of his girls but more so that he will be given reassurance that he has done a good job and although mom’s house may be the fun place to be and it may keep them away during these teenage years, that he will know that he is loved and that he will always be their dad in the true meaning of the word.    

This afternoon there was a post on his wall from possibly his most rebelliously spirited daughter that read something along these lines:

dear dad.
i listen to a lot of country, christian music.
i'm at my friends house, &' i heard my little girl play on my phone.
it made me realize &' think real hard.
even though, i told you i hated you a million times.
deep down, i love you.
i'm a teenager going through my phases, thinking i'm better than anyone.
but i'm not.
i'm just as equal, as anybody else.
i've thought about everybody in Catoosa, but i've thought about little Gideon &' Tristany the most.
if Gideon were here, he'd want me to visit him as much as possible.
i realize, that i don't visit as often as i shoud.
i realize, that Tristany's only three &' doesn't understand why her sister is gone.
i realize, that Catoosa, gets a visit from me very, very, seldom.
but, i just wanted to say, that i think of you, &' Tristany, all the time.
i pray, that you guys are safe, everynight.
dad, i'm always going to be, your little girl. ♥

God is waiting for your prayers, for your honesty, for your humility in your brokenness.  What are you waiting for?

the ultimate misleader...

In recent months my encounters with atheists has been on the rise.  I haven’t had any face to face interaction (that I am aware of) but in social networking I have heard and seen more.   A few of the Christian pages that I like on Facebook have a few dedicated atheist followers.  It amazes me and sometimes enrages me that they find so much time to post an anti-God statement on so many posts or give false claims of the Bible and Jesus.  I have never responded because my wise pastor once told me that it does no good to argue.  Two nights ago I was reminded of this once again, while Lance and I were reading through Titus together.  Paul tells Titus, “Warn a divisive person once, and then warn them a second time. After that, have nothing to do with them. You may be sure that such people are warped and sinful; they are self-condemned.”  To be divisive means to cause a disagreement or dissension ( a disagreement that brings about a lack of harmony between persons). 

Last night I was able to hold on to this even more.  As a side note and a telling of how God works throughout our lives here is a little insight—Sunday morning at church, we were given a lesson over Psalms 1:2-3. 

(blessed is the one)…. whose delight is in the law of the LORD,
and who meditates on his law day and night.
³ That person is like a tree planted by streams of water,
which yields its fruit in season
and whose leaf does not wither—
whatever they do prospers.

The message was that we were to read God’s word and meditate on that daily.  When we do this we are made stronger in our spiritual relationship with God.  I was reminded that it is impossible to build a relationship with my own husband if I do not get to know him, if I do not spend time with him and the Bible is God’s way of teaching us His character and in this we build a true relationship.  Dwayne had pointed out that many times after his reading he would later in the day be faced with an application scenario of something that he had earlier read.  That’s the amazing thing about God’s word—it still applies today.  So this is where I was.  Lance was encountering his own revelation and meditation but it dealt with another part of Titus and that is his story to tell. 

So, back to last night—I had stumbled across a blog of a guy through a post of a friend.  I had seen that he had written a book and I was intrigued because I love a good read and even more so a good read from a “real” person that knows someone I know!  I got to looking around and realized that this guy was an atheist.  It did take me sometime and even when he spelled it out in his description I was still not a 100% convinced.  Surely, he was kidding.  He had been a Christian, a theology major.  Now he was an atheist?  As I read through his “about me” blurp over and over, I tried to wrap my head about it.  We talk about it all of the time at home group.  How can intelligent people who know the Bible, study the Bible and who have experienced the Holy Spirit deny God?  He spoke of his month long journey trying to live as a child with his daughter as the example so that he could know what God wanted of him.  This journey led him to the conclusion that his spiritual journey was grounded in fear and in exchange for that fear he finds faith IN HIMSELF, realizing HE is the answer to all his wanting.  (That “he” is not capitalized because it is referring to the big He of God but for emphasis that he finds faith and answer in his own being—the common thread of atheists whom believe that Christianity is merely a crutch to help bring peace, order and sense to our lives.)  My heart instantly broke.  I don’t know this guy but my heart aches for him.  He, during a time of trying to draw near to God, was attacked by Satan and was able to be deceived.  The Bible says that Satan falsifies truth and delights in deception.  His goal is to get us to stop following God.  It would appear that in the life of this young man, Satan has won. 

Satan is constantly working, trying to attack us and get us to leave Jesus.  Though many people who claim to be atheist would not claim to be Satan followers, they have still been deceived by Satan.  All throughout the Bible, we see that we are given two paths; the one that leads us to Heaven or the one that leads us to Hell.  We are either for or against God.  We either choose the wide and easy path that the world offers or we take the narrow and hard path that leads to Jesus.   That is, if you don’t take the road to Jesus then you take the road to Satan by default.  The world is of Satan.  The wide path is the worldly path. 

Christians are under attack more than the non-believer.  Why does Satan care to attack someone who already follows him?  He has already won them over?  We talked about this just weeks ago in home group when discussing a statistic that more Christians get divorced than non-believers.  Why would Satan want to break up a team that is already on his side but the Christian home—now that is powerful.  Two married Christians who raise children to be followers of Jesus, to love Jesus and to know Jesus-now that is intimidating.  We are seeing divorce and separation around us and it is heartbreaking.  We pray for our marriage and for the marriages of our friends.  We know that divorce leads to destruction so we pray against it.  I feel like we should pray more as a group as the incidence continues to increase.

I know that this was a ramble of a blog but it’s what I felt led to post today.  Today, God wanted me to write warning of the deception of Satan.  Today, God wanted to remind us that we must always keep our eyes on Jesus because Satan is waiting around every corner to try and keep us from the Kingdom of Heaven…